My Cultivation Journey

I started to read the book Zhuan Falun in September of 2005. However, I was exposed to cultivation experiences well before that.

I first heard of Falun Gong back in 1997. At that time I honestly did not know what this practice was all about. My husband had just started practising. My marriage was in turmoil just before that.

My husband’s temper was extremely bad at that time and that’s putting it mildly. I had to cope with a very demanding job and bring up three children, and I was suffering from bad health. As an ordinary person, my tolerance was pretty good, but still it had its limits. Against my own wishes, I felt there was no way out but a divorce.

Realising I was serious about the divorce, my husband spoke to me tearfully one night and told me all about this Falun Dafa practice that he had started and how he wanted to be a cultivator. He told me that the book talks about a lot of good things and to follow the principles of the book, he shouldn’t allow a divorce to happen and should instead work on improving his character. He asked me to give him a three year chance to improve his character and be a better person. How could I refuse an opportunity to save our marriage? For him to have the confidence that he would change and to make the effort, Falun Dafa must be good.

In the months and years that followed, I still did not know what’s contained in the book Zhuan Falun. I did not have the urge to open the book, even though my husband encouraged me to read it. However, I fully supported him in his journey in cultivation and I followed him to experience sharing conferences. After hearing some articles I was amazed at how cultivation can improve character and wellbeing. Some articles I’d heard put me off by the talk of encountering evil beings and demons. I read a lot of flyers about the persecution of Falun Gong practitioners and I was able to help to clarify the truth, especially where I saw practitioner’s English wasn’t good and I was able to step in to help.

Whilst out on Falun Dafa activities in other countries, I was mistaken as a spy twice and one time in Houston, where a peaceful protest took place, I was chased around a field (because I wasn’t sending Righteous Thoughts like everyone else). The person chasing me wanted to take a photo of my face which he thought I was hiding from the camera, but in fact I was trying to shield from the rain! I was quite upset to have encountered this experience and my confidence in my husband and in cultivation took a step backward. I had bad thoughts about Falun Dafa and I thought my husband and practitioners were crazy to learn such a practice. This was my ordinary person thinking, but luckily it was only a transient thought.

The three year chance for our marriage went by without ever being mentioned again. I was still an ordinary person but with no longing for a Rolls Royce life style - I just wished for a harmonious environment. The proof was in the pudding. Diligently following the Falun Dafa principles of Truth, Compassion and Tolerance yields results. The positive character changes in my husband were noticed by our families and friends. Even though I was an ordinary person, I told those who asked how he changed so much that it was because of the goodness of Falun Dafa. It is thanks to Falun Gong that we are still married.

Let me share with you what I saw in Stockholm in 2001. Probably some of you may have seen it if you were there at the time. It was a day before the experience sharing conference. There was a Falun Dafa art exhibition being held at the time. I was outside the building when up in the sky, a really huge, beautiful and colourful circle appeared. Whilst some practitioners who saw it had tears in their eyes, in my ordinary person thinking I didn’t think it was that special and decided that probably formed just like a rainbow would after rain is followed by sunshine. Therefore it had no significance for me. Thinking back, it was really, really beautiful, so huge and colourful on the outer circle as if it was the Law Wheel (Falun) protecting and sending energy to the area where we were. Teacher had given me the opportunity to see such beauty even though I was yet to start cultivating.

So how did I eventually start reading Zhuan Falun in September of 2005? Well, how could I not join in when my husband decided to hold a weekly study of the Falun Gong teachings at out house? At the beginning, I must have been quite a pain to my fellow practitioners – I kept interrupting the class with many questions as I couldn’t absorb what I was reading. I was reading the English version of Zhuan Falun. As I continued my reading I thought I was already displaying the right type of behavioural values; I was trustworthy, helpful and had a good heart. So, where do I need to improve? Why do I need to cultivate? I read articles on-line where people talked about encountering demons. Will this happen to me if I cultivate? Is Falun Dafa practice really pure? So many questions went through my mind that I felt confused. My ordinary person thinking told me that cultivation may not be for me after all.

However, persevering with my cultivation journey, I found the answer to many of my questions. I remembered one day when my twin daughters joined us in a study session where I was yet again asking questions. My daughter interrupted me. “Mum, why ask questions; read on, you will find the answer.” She was quite right! The book Zhuan Falun contains the answers. Teacher said in the book that ‘Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the Master.’ I realised that I must let go of attachments. There is no limit in cultivation and it is up to me to improve my character to reach the next level.

Before I learnt the five sets of exercises, I used to experience numbness in my hand and legs when driving long distances for business. I knew I was endangering myself and others if I continue to drive. The numbness could be felt even when I sat down at home. Since I started practising the exercises, this problem slowly disappeared. I thank Teacher again for his words.

Still I wasn’t diligent enough in cultivation and wasn’t fulfilling Teacher’s wish for the three most important things to save sentient beings. I wasn’t sending Righteous Thoughts. When I was in Geneva supporting the human rights parade, as we settled down for the candlelight vigil, I suddenly saw that same person who thought I was a spy in Houston approaching me. My heart was beating very fast; I was desperately looking for my husband to protect me but couldn’t see him nearby. I did wrong and pretended to send righteous thoughts. When it was over another practitioner came over to me and said my lotus hand sign was wrong. I wondered how I could have done such an unrighteous thing as pretending to send righteous thoughts? My cultivation level must have dropped to non-existence and my behaviour was worse than ever! Somehow I knew that I must let go of my attachment, but I couldn’t get myself to send Righteous Thoughts. It was as though something was blocking my way.

After I started my cultivation, I think I was put to many tests straight away. In my department, I stand in for my manager when he is away. On one occasion we had a problem which seriously impacted the business. When I approached my senior, instead of discussing how we could recover from the situation as quickly as possible, I got an earbashing, I knew that he was looking for a scapegoat. In the ordinary world I would have argued back as I dislike bullying. However, I let go of my attachment and wanted to improve my character so I allowed my senior have a go at me. When I had the opportunity to interrupt, I said we could find out who is to blame later if it’s still necessary, but for now it was more important to deal with the problem in hand. I knew I did not pass this test well as I did not completely let go of my attachment because I felt quite upset over being blamed without facts. However, biting back the tears and not letting it show in front of my technical team, I led them in the recovery action. Only when we had recovered after a very long day, did I tell my technical team what had happened. They were amazed that I carried that on my shoulder throughout the day without letting it show.

On another occasion when my manager was away again, another incident happened where one of my staff unintentionally made a serious mistake. Top seniors wanted to name and shame the person responsible. I knew what the consequence would be if I provided the name. I was in a bit of dilemma. However, I used my understanding from the Falun Gong teachings in handling the situation. After realising that the mistake could have been made by any one of my technical staff, I responded that I would not provide a single name as we work in a team. We succeed as a team and if we fail, we fail as a team. For both occasions, my manager was full of praise for the patience and integrity that I displayed. I thank Teacher for his teachings.

I’m happy to say that just recently, I was able to unblock the path that prevented me in sending Righteous Thoughts. The two triggers were:

1) Aspired by the possibility of seeing Teacher at the DC Falun Gong Experience Sharing Conference, I asked myself during the planning of that trip how I could have that privilege of seeing Teacher if I cannot even fulfil what Teacher asked of me as a disciple in doing the three things.
2) The coming London Spectacular is so important; the evil forces will want us split in every way so that we don’t succeed. How can I succumb to the evil? We have to be a whole body!

Coming this far had taken me a long time. I know I have to move faster than this in future in my cultivation in saving sentient beings. At the Washington DC Fa Conference, when Teacher entered the auditorium, my tears just rolled and rolled. I have no explanation, except knowing that what Teacher has given us all is very beautiful and precious. Thank you Teacher for your precious teaching. Thank you fellow practitioners for listening.