Greetings Master, greetings fellow practitioners!
I obtained the Fa in 2002. For a long period of time I was well aware that Master guided and protected me as if I were a baby. Sometimes when I met tribulations I was also able to look upon myself as a practitioner. I looked inward, studied the Fa more seriously and sent forth righteous thoughts. I knew everything I suffered was karmic retribution. This was my understanding.
When I took part in Dafa activities and returned home afterwards it was like I had become another person. I knew that Master gave me a lot and took me to another level. This has been going on for many years.
I do not remember exactly when it happened but eventually I found myself no longer in this cultivation state. I felt that that I was doing Dafa work like an everyday person, I wasn’t able to study the Fa well and I was experiencing more and more thought karma. My heart felt heavy and I began to have doubts in my cultivation.
In 2010 I went to Frankfurt and supported the preparations for Shen Yun. I did different tasks like selling tickets at promotion booths and distributing promotional materials. I felt a lot of pressure, much heavier than I’ve ever felt before.
I had conflicts with another practitioner who I was usually on very good terms with. Bad thoughts about the coordinator and fellow practitioners appeared. Later I was affected by problems like tiredness and depression but I didn’t know why.
The same year I also supported some other cities that were about to host Shen Yun and again difficulties emerged in cooperating. As the Shen Yun shows went on, Master showed me a fundamental attachment that I had ignored for a long time: vanity, part of the mentality of showing off. At that moment, I was upset. But the more I thought about it the more I realised my attachment being exposed was actually a gift from Master and part of Master taking care of me. I also understood how precious it is to be allowed to help with Shen Yun. I felt honoured in a way I had never felt before.
Shen Yun is guided directly by Master and is therefore a crucial project for saving sentient beings in this period of Fa-rectification, and accordingly the tests are severe. Having such a big attachment, how would it be possible to meet the requirements of a Dafa Disciple?
Master said: “Dafa disciples are no doubt working very hard. And that’s because the historic responsibility entrusted to you and that you shoulder is so great, and your historic mission dictates that you must, at this critical time, shoulder such a historic responsibility. Dafa disciples came about precisely at the last stage of the cosmos’s cycle of formation, stasis, degeneration, and destruction. Which is to say, whether it be living beings or material things, this is when everything has arrived at the last and worst point, with the manifestations of things being the most complicated and with differentiating good from bad or righteous from evil being the hardest. During such a time, it really gets immensely difficult as Dafa disciples set out to shoulder the mission entrusted to them by history. When I say that Dafa disciples are extraordinary, it is because in a period such as this they have come to save sentient beings, help Master rectify the Fa, and fulfill the mission that each is to personally fulfill – and that is what truly makes you extraordinary. No era of history can compare.” (What is a Dafa disciple. Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 New York Fa Conference, August 29, 2011)
In 2015 I supported Shen Yun in Bremen. I was responsible for contacting politicians and I was also helping organise the promotion booths. I’d had problems with my ear for a while. I was not able to fully understand what I had not yet let go off. I was unhappy because I could not hear what others were saying properly and I felt restricted. I was often unbalanced and conflicts with the coordinator and other practitioners arose. I was told I wasn’t cooperating well and this made me feel pressured. My heart felt more and more under pressure. I worried a lot, when my ear started to heavily ache and to fester. Under such conditions, how could it be possible to do a good job working to support the Shen Yun shows? I decided to practise the exercises more and also study the Fa more. It then got a little bit better.
When my state got a bit better I could see what the conflict between my clear side and my human side looked like. It sometimes felt like two different persons fighting or arguing with each other. I did not know how to solve this problem quickly and thoroughly. My righteous thoughts were not strong enough. I was also pushed for time so I simply continued with the work.
It was only when everything had calmed down and the Shen Yun shows were over that I started looking inward. Master said in Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference:
“Many things that he can’t let go of are deeply hidden. The person knows himself that those things aren’t good, and so he’s afraid of others finding out about them, for fear of embarrassment. Yet he doesn’t take those things seriously as a cultivator, and hasn’t managed to work wholeheartedly on eliminating them or managed to handle them well after recognizing them. There have also been cases where someone didn’t take some minor things seriously in his cultivation, and they turned into major problems.
Let me put it this way. The requirements for a Dafa disciple are high – higher than those of any other cultivation setting. In form it’s not that strict, but the standards and requirements for your cultivation are high. It’s a problem if you fail to recognize your own mistakes, just as it’s a problem if you fail to see the strong attachments you might have. And when you do become aware of them, you definitely should, as a Dafa disciple, address them, of course. And that is cultivation.”
It was only after the Shen Yun shows that I became aware of not being able to appreciate other practitioners doing something. I had forgotten to be tolerant when I felt they did not do things well. But actually it was me who did not do things well. Losing face was hard for me; this was why I had not been able to look inward, admit my mistakes and apologise to others for my behaviour.
Thoughts are also matter and if this matter is not good, I should eliminate it with righteous thoughts. As long as we look on ourselves as cultivators and trust in Master, everything can be changed for us, and Master will let us see the truth.
Thank you Master, thank you fellow practitioners!
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