Looking Within After Observing My Daughter's Behaviour

Recently I took special note of several things that happened to my daughter. When looking within and checking whether I had similar attachments, I found many of them.

During the past summer break, my daughter was sent to stay with my parents-in-law. She was all right for the first few weeks. When two more children joined her one week ago, I thought she would be happier because she could play with them. However, she cried a lot when I visited her. We played for a while and then she wanted to stop. So I continued to play with the other two children and she cried again.

During that time, my father-in-law praised the other two children for following directions and for their beautiful clothes. My daughter only cried more after hearing this. I saw her jealousy and tried to comfort her, but it did not work. She just kept crying.

Seeing this situation and looking inward, I also found jealousy hidden inside myself.

When my husband and I got married, my parents-in-law did not like me. Therefore, I always tried to be as considerate of them as possible. Still, I always felt they liked my sister-in-law (the wife of my husband's younger brother) better. They always said good things about her in front me. After beginning to practice, however, I learned to be compassionate toward others and always act with tolerance. In this way the situation improved.

But one incident around New Year's last year upset me again. I did nearly everything for preparation and my sister-in-law hardly lent a hand. How come my parents-in-law still liked her better? Nonetheless, thinking of the Fa, I knew it was a test of my jealousy. With my heart broadened, I did not complain.

One morning it was already near 10 a.m., but my sister-in-law and her children had not yet gotten up out of bed. I was very hungry and wanted to eat breakfast, but my father-in-law suggested waiting until she and her family got up. I was upset again. When looking back afterward, I knew I did not do well enough. In Zhuan Falun, Master said, “If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.”

From my daughter, I also learned about other hidden attachments of mine. One day when watching TV, we were talking with each other and missed the weather forecast. My daughter was unhappy because she had wanted to see it, but when I told her the weather forecast already passed, she cried and refused to listen to any explanation.

When thinking this over, my daughter's impatience reminded me of my own concealed attachments. For example, I was not always compassionate enough when talking with others, and I often lacked patience.

Sometimes, I saw my daughter as very persistent with her opinions, and I realized that I, too, had similar problems. For example, one time I had not worked for very long at one particular job. Although most of my coworkers had quit the communist regime and its affiliated organizations after I clarified the truth to them, most of them did not seem interested in talking with me—it was as if I did not exist. I felt uneasy because of this in the past, but suddenly I understood that it was due to my inflated attachment to my self.

The above are my personal understandings. Please point out any content that's inappropriate.