My Understandings from Looking Inward and Memorizing Zhuan Falun

Greetings Master!
Greeting fellow practitioners!

I started cultivation practice in 2010. I would like to share with you my understandings from looking inward, and an understanding I had while memorizing Zhuan Falun.

At the beginning of my cultivation I was very enthusiastic and diligent. I was studying Zhuan Falun daily, about 2 or 3 lectures at least. I was also doing the exercises and sending righteous thoughts daily. Being in a constant state of improving my xinxing, it was easy for me to look at my attachments and pass the tribulations that I came across.

Although it seemed like I didn't have any pursuits and my heart was pure, the reality was that deep down inside were still the roots of several attachments, such as the show-off mentality, fear, various desires and jealousy. They came out later during my cultivation and made my cultivation path difficult.

In my second year of practice, I met a practitioner who had her third eye opened. She told me many things about myself, my level and my previous lives, and so I started developing various attachments and fears about that. She also used to tell me about the cultivation state of other practitioners, and that resulted in my unintentionally looking down on some of them.

This practitioner told me a few things from my past that were true, and because of my low self-esteem and my habit to seek help from others, I started believing almost everything she said. Finally, I became dependent on her understandings. At that time, I couldn’t realize how serious that was, since I met that practitioner only a few times per year. It took me years to understand how harmful that was, to me and to the other practitioner as well.

Master said:

“This is a very serious issue in cultivation practice. Only through following this Dafa can you do things correctly. You should not follow or listen to him because he has supernormal abilities, supernatural powers, or because he can see some things. You will do him harm, as he will develop the attachment of zealotry”. (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6)

I'm very sorry for my poor enlightenment quality, not taking the Fa seriously and not passing this test for so long.

Even though I was a diligent cultivator and did the three things daily, I still kept old concepts in me. Many times my first reaction was to look outward when this practitioner kept on telling me what she was seeing.

I kept blaming her in my mind for causing me unnecessary interference. Now, I know that it was my attachment of fear and not trusting myself and my understandings, that attracted this practitioner’s behaviour and that every attachment tries to block us from looking inward.
When I shared my story above, one practitioner shouted at me: “Both of you have a big show-off mentality. That's why this happened to you!” Many times the answer comes from fellow practitioners’ words, and is something that we don’t expect or imagine. Finally, I became clear and now I trust myself and my own understandings based on the Fa. I am also aware of the show-off mentality that was hidden in me for so long.

The “human mentality” to look outward is still something that I am working on, because it’s like second nature. In my understanding, this is the main difference between a cultivator and an ordinary person. I have experienced the harmful results of looking outward, even with my mother-in-law, as many times she caused me troubles. I was feeling wronged inside and even considered her as interference, and many times I even developed resentment towards her. Now I know that this resentment was because I was looking outward, instead of focusing on looking inward. I had a lack of compassion and I was worried about my self-interest. Even if a person is behaving cruelly to us, there must be a reason.

Master said: “Accordingly, in your future cultivation practice you will run into all kinds of tribulations. How can you practice cultivation without these hardships? If everyone is good to one another without conflicts of interests or interference from the human mind, how can your xinxing make progress by your only sitting there? That is impossible.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 4)

My attachment to protect myself made me unable to truly believe in Master, and it was very difficult for me to change this bad habit.

Master said: “Cultivation practice itself is not difficult, and neither is upgrading one’s level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up the human mind that they call it difficult.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 9)

Memorizing the Fa
I was worried about my inability to look inward and be humble, but I feel so grateful to Master that He didn't gave up on me. After many years of wanting to try memorizing Zhuan Falun, I made a breakthrough and I started reciting the Fa on a daily basis. I'm very determined to do it over and over till I remember the entire book.

Now everything in my cultivation looks clearer and, bit by bit, I can separate the bad thoughts from the good and my main consciousness is stronger. When bad thoughts pop up now, I can stop them and get rid of them. Once I felt complacent with the bad luck of a person that had hurt me in the past, but immediately I felt alarmed and I rejected that thought, “I’m a Dafa disciple and I want only good things for other people”. Then, I instantly felt that some portion of my thought-karma was cleaned out.

Master said: “Once it transpires, one will be tested to see if one can overcome such bad thoughts on one’s own. If one is determined, the karma can be eliminated.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6, Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate)

Also, for a long time there was a small dog in my neighbourhood that was barking and crying all day long. In the beginning I was upset and blaming the owners of the dog for being irresponsible. But once I looked inward and eliminated my complaining mentality the dog stopped barking.

Now I understand the power of examining every single thought with the Fa, and that looking inward can rectify our environment.

One day while I was reciting the Fa, I realized that at some point in other dimensions, I kept hold of old principles without having understood them for so long, and that they prevented me from assimilating to the Fa.

While I seemed to believe what Master says superficially, in essence I kept hold of old concepts. For example, in remembering "Qigong is a prehistoric civilization" I found it very difficult to recite this chapter. I looked inward and realized that I was quite poisoned with theories of science, and that's why I couldn't easily remember this chapter. When I removed those notions I could memorize it easily. That is what I understood at my level.

If we cultivate well we can do the three things well – everything is interactive. Sometimes I tend, without realizing it, to validate myself or feel proud if I coordinate an important project. This is something I should get rid of too and I should be aware not to follow old notions.

I have spent all my time on many projects, and although I am quite an active practitioner, I realize that I didn’t focus with the same effort to improve my xinxing and did many things mechanically. That was somehow related to having a hidden notion that I cannot really change and didn't believe in myself. As I see it now, it is like I didn't trust Master for choosing me as His disciple.

Now I really want to change and to follow Master!

Master said: “I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others--or even future generations--along with Dafa's eternal stability.” (Essentials for Further Advancement, Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature.)

This was my understanding at my level. Please point out if you find anything inappropriate.

Thank you Master! Thank you for not giving up to me!
Thank you fellow practitioners!