Cultivation Through Challenges

My name is Gunnel and I started practicing Falun Gong on August 7, 1998.

The principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance touched my heart deeply. My cultivation was slow at first, and I didn’t really understand what cultivation meant. Those of us who attended the introduction continued practicing in the city park, trying our best to do the exercises with the help of pictures in the book ”China Falun Gong”. Since then, we’ve been practicing at the same spot every Sunday for nearly 30 years, all year round.

The Trip to China

For a few years, there had been trips to China for Nordic practitioners, and in the winter of 1998, it was time again. I was a single mother with two sons, so I wasn’t planning to go at first. But it was Christmas break, and my sons could stay with their father, so I decided to take the trip of a lifetime. On Christmas Day, we traveled to Beijing to meet practitioners in China. Two of us went from Kalmar, we were both very new to Falun Gong and hadn’t practiced or studied much, but we didn’t want to miss this chance.

When we arrived in Beijing, we practiced with a large group of children on the first day. It was beautiful and special to practice with so many people at once. Every morning, we practiced in a park, either nearby or by taking a bus. We listened to Master’s lectures on the way there and back.

After a few days, we took a train to Dalian. The memories from this trip are very strong, and I can still picture the faces of the people I met. At the train station, several practitioners were waiting for us. They immediately took our bags to carry them for us, which felt unusual since we’re used to doing everything ourselves. When we left the station, many practitioners were there to welcome us. We walked through a crowd of them as they clapped the whole time. I was overwhelmed by their warm reception, and tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. It was powerful and overwhelming. I didn’t realize how meaningful it was for them that we were practicing Falun Gong in the West, especially since they had been practicing for much longer.

We noticed a special, calm atmosphere in Dalian. We learned that about 25 percent of the people there practiced Falun Gong, including people from all kinds of jobs and backgrounds.

On New Year’s Eve back home, it was early morning in China, and we practiced on a huge field. It was said that at least 10,000 practitioners were there. The exercise music played through big speakers, and it was powerful. Besides practicing and studying together, we split into groups and visited practitioners for experience sharing. We heard many miraculous stories about their experiences since starting Falun Gong.

When we practiced near a big road, those of us from the West were asked to stand in front. We were filmed and photographed constantly because they wanted to show that people outside China were practicing Falun Gong. It felt uncomfortable to stand in front since we were beginners, and the second exercise felt very long. It was also freezing, and my hands got so cold I lost feeling in them.

When it was time to return home, many practitioners lined our path and clapped as we walked. All the experiences and memories from Dalian and China are still vivid when I think about them.

The Persecution

It was a shock when I read that Falun Gong was banned in China on July 20, 1999. I thought it must be a mistake—it couldn’t be true. From that day, it was clear to me that I would join activities to explain the truth. There were many trips, parades, conferences, and different ways to reach people.

Looking back, that early time felt so natural. We didn’t overthink things, we just did what needed to be done. Everything was new, and we didn’t know how to do it. There were many long discussions, but it was all part of cultivation, so we learned to work together and figure things out. We solved problems and kept sharing the truth with everyone.

Epoch Times

For the past five years, I’ve worked with the Swedish Epoch Times. It was natural for me to take on the administrative tasks needed to start the print newspaper. I jumped into the project wholeheartedly, thinking it was a great way to reach many people. But the newspaper had to be good so people would want to read it. I realized cultivation was important, and many attachments surfaced. I hadn’t worked in a long time, so I was unfamiliar with handling various tasks, sometimes under time pressure. Those years were intense, both in terms of work and cultivation. Working and living with other practitioners was special. Xinxing tests came one after another, giving me chances to let go of attachments that surfaced in this cultivation environment. I’m used to taking responsibility and always wanting to do my best. Everything was new since none of us had made a newspaper before. We made mistakes, and I often faced a deep-rooted attachment: fear of doing things wrong. That fear has followed me my whole life, and I had to face it and let it go whenever it came up.

As the newspaper grew, the tasks increased. There were more phone calls, emails, and other responsibilities, and the challenges grew too. After a few years, I noticed headaches starting whenever I worked at the computer. That was unusual for me, but I took breaks and kept going. Practicing and studying were always a given for me, but I sometimes failed to pause and look inward.

It reached a point where I realized I was constantly “on” most of the day and evening, every day. When I was preparing documents for press support, my mind went blank. I couldn’t understand it—I had done this before. During the second exercise, I felt deep despair, like everything was over. Then a thought came: “I am a Dafa disciple, and I only follow Master’s arrangements.” I pulled myself together, but realized this was serious and I couldn’t continue like this.

Instead of cultivating and letting go of attachments, I had focused only on getting things done. I got caught up in human thinking, only caring about results. This made me disconnected, forgetting why I was doing things, and just pushing forward. My heart felt narrower, with no compassion for myself or others. I saw another deep attachment: my sense of worth was tied to what I did, not to my existence. At the lecture Critical Times Reveal One’s Spiritual State (February 2, 2025), it was said: "Dafa is the Way of the universe, and it is beyond harm’s reach. What is really happening in this world is that Dafa is saving lives! And what really matters is whether people’s thoughts and motives make the grade, rather than who has what position in an organization or whether the position is important. In circumstances like these, what everyone should be doing is coming together with a shared sense of purpose, making Dafa the priority, exercising the self-restraint befitting a practitioner, ensuring that harm doesn’t befall your initiatives to save lives, and working together, shoulder-to-shoulder, to get through ordeals. That is how someone leading a life of spiritual discipline should go about things. And that will forge your spiritual greatness. For this is a trial you need to pass.”

I had lost my balance. I could answer some phone calls but nothing else. No activities, no contacting politicians, no attending conferences. All joy was gone, and I just cried. More attachments to let go of: reputation, feeling inadequate, not being able to do what I used to. I felt worthless. I saw that my value was entirely tied to what I did and achieved. I felt deep sorrow when I realized this. Another attachment was seeking validation, though I could sometimes let it go and focus on being there for the sake of others and not for myself.

I understood I needed to study the Fa more and focus deeply. I had to fill myself with the Fa and deal with the emotions that came up. It was painful, but I let go little by little. I started over, doing less and doing it as well as I could. I reminded myself that every phone call was about meeting people and helping them learn the truth through Epoch Times.

Looking Inward

For two years, I chose not to attend Almedalen Week to spend time with my stepgrandchildren when they visited. The week before they came, I realized it was the wrong decision. I really wanted to be at Almedalen to meet people, but it was too late to change. My cultivation state wasn’t great either, as I was struggling with issues with my son that I couldn’t get past.

I’ve always gotten along well with my stepdaughter, but now the Xinxing tests started as soon as they arrived. I tried hard to handle it well as a practitioner. Some situations went fine, but it was like my deepest, hidden feelings and thoughts surfaced, and I handled them in a human way. I looked inward, but I only scratched the surface, thinking I just needed to be more tolerant and compassionate. I didn’t even manage that, and my old pattern of wanting to escape and avoid conflict took over. The situation didn’t resolve before they left, and I felt terrible for not turning it around as a practitioner. I realized I hadn’t reached the deepest parts of myself.

Reading the experience-sharing article “Fundamentally Changing Oneself Is the Key to Eliminating Interference” on Minghui shook me. Had I cultivated at all during these 27 years? Had I truly looked inward? Had I studied the Fa to assimilate to it? Had I held righteous thoughts to eliminate evil? Was my cultivation state upright enough to save people? Had I just cultivated for my own well-being? I saw that I often stopped at setting higher standards for myself as a human, being more tolerant and compassionate, instead of assimilating to the Fa.

In “Zhuan Falun”, Lecture 8, Master says: “Everyone knows that our school of cultivation does not shun ordinary human society in cultivation, and neither does it avoid or run away from conflicts. In this complicated environment of everyday people, you should be clear-minded and knowingly lose in terms of interests. When your vested interest is snatched away by others, you will not go to compete and fight for it like others. With different xinxing interference, you will suffer losses. In this difficult environment, you will temper your will and improve your xinxing. Under the influence of different ill thoughts from everyday people, you will be able to reach above and beyond.”

I have cultivated all these years, but I hadn’t truly understood what it means to assimilate to the Fa. I have been content with being a bit better and reaching a higher level than ordinary people. Now, I’m working to return to the cultivation I had when I started.

My cultivation environment at home has improved because I’m more balanced and don’t go to extremes. I think I can cultivate wherever I am and stay upright. In every moment and situation, I can look inward, let go, and act as a true practitioner.

In “Zhuan Falun”, Lecture 9, Master says: “The enlightenment that we actually refer to is a matter of whether in the course of cultivation one can enlighten to and accept the Fa taught by the master or the Tao taught by the Taoist master, whether one can treat oneself as a cultivator upon encountering tribulations, and whether one can adhere to the Fa while cultivating.”

Thank you, revered Master!

Thank you, fellow practitioners, for all the sharings and encouragement!

(This article was presented at the 2025 Nordic Fa-Conference)