Becoming a "real" Practitioner (Shared at the 2003 Benelux Fa conference)

Good afternoon everybody,

My name is Janniek. I first learned about Falun Gong about three years ago through my husband Matthias, and almost 1 ½ years ago I read Zhuan Falun completely for the first time. I don’t know when exactly I became a ‘real’ practitioner, and there are still days that I doubt if I am a ‘real’ practitioner.

Matthias had been looking for the meaning of life and for an answer to certain vital questions for many years and had been interested in Qi Gong and other meditation practices for some time as a result of which he immediately understood that Zhuan Falun is a very special book and that he had finally found what he was looking for. I, on the contrary, was less than enthusiastic about his new activities, especially because he was spending more and more time with it, leaving less time to do things together. My opinion was that I didn’t need a guide to live a good life. From my parents I received a good education and they learned me a lot about good principles and values to follow in life and I tried to observe these values as much as possible. So, I thought I was doing well.

After reading Zhuan Falun, my husband stopped smoking, drinking alcohol and going out from one day to another and he persisted in doing the exercises and reading that one special book. Because of this, I finally decided to read this book as well. But you have to know that I have a scientific education and I did scientific work for seven years, resulting in the fact that I don’t take everything that is said for granted. I like it most when things are scientifically proven, verified and confirmed. As a result, it took me more than half a year to read Zhuan Falun once completely, taking into account that I started several times all over again. Certain matters sounded so inconceivable to me that I just couldn’t accept them. After a lot of discussions with my husband and after reading certain paragraphs dozens of times again, I finally succeeded in finishing the book completely and suddenly everything became clearer to me! I immediately started reading for a second time and this time it went more smoothly and the incredible understanding started to grow that everything I had learned before was after all not the absolute truth!

Although I still have quite strong thought-karma that is often interfering and makes me doubting about Master Li’s words, I’m aware now that Master Li is telling the truth and that it’s me who needs some time to accept it.

Next to my thought-karma, I have a few very strong attachments I can’t get ride of and which are also responsible for my persisting doubt about being or becoming a ‘real’ practitioner. I really have problems to release myself from my human habits and sentimentalities. Sometimes I really crave a cosy chat with friends or a nice evening in front of the television. In the beginning, I reacted by forbidding myself this kind of things, because I thought that, as a practitioner, I could not lose time with these things. But this behaviour resulted in even more thought-karma and I started opposing myself against Falun Gong activities and Falun Gong in particular. Due to nice talks with other practitioners and Matthias, I realised that it’s not a solution to forbid myself these things. Forbidding is not a way to abandon attachments. I know for sure that, through reading more, I will realise that these things are not important and even a waste of time.

On particular moments I succeed in breaking through this doubt and then I can see myself as a full Falun Gong practitioner and these are mostly moments when I feel that Master Li is taking care of us. Such moments make me realise more and more that Falun Gong is really great and extraordinary.

I experienced one of those moments in Israel. In October 2002, Matthias and I were present at the Fa-conference in Israel where we participated in several activities for promoting Dafa. At a certain moment during the activity in Nazareth, Matthias had the idea to walk on top of some small posts next to the pavement (50 cm height) instead of on the pavement. While doing so, he suddenly missed one of the posts and fell down very hard. At that very moment, certainly ten thoughts were running through my head: panic, fear, concern, incomprehension, but also: “he is a Falun Gong practitioner, he will stand up as if nothing happened”. And that’s what he did, with only a scraped knee and elbow. Although I was non-stop crying the next fifteen minutes during the ‘righteous thoughts’ out of panic and concern, at that moment, I considered myself as a determined Falun Gong practitioner passing a test and so did Matthias. I succeeded in overcoming my sentimentalities and putting my faith in Master Li. Through this event and the reactions of Matthias and the other practitioners, I learned that the right thought is really important and that we cannot be doubtful. For the next two weeks, Matthias was walking around with a completely blue leg, but he was convinced that the pain was not accidental and that it had to do with paying back karma, so I didn’t doubt whether he was alright. And everything passed without problems.

Another moment I experienced not so long ago. In the past, I often had problems with anaemia and I had to take pills with iron for this. Since I consider myself as a Falun Gong practitioner, I didn’t take any more pills. From a recent blood examination it became clear that my iron concentration in my blood is normal, without taking medication. This was for me a moment on which I was infinitely grateful to Master Li for taking care of me. This feeling provided me with so much energy, that I decided to meditate in double lotus position for half an hour, although before I had to stop after a few minutes because it was too painful. I was determined to remain seated, because Master Li was looking after me as a Falun Gong practitioner so I had to prove myself to be worthy of being one, and I remained meditating half an hour! This taught me that it’s our attitude and our heart that is important when we want to reach something and that we need to be determined. As Master Li said:”When you are overcoming a real hardship or tribulation, you should give it a try. When it is difficult to endure, you try to endure. When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, you give it a try and see if it is possible.”

I have learned that I must dare to consider myself as a ‘real’ Falun Gong practitioner and that it is important to be determined in everything you do.
I thank Master Li for every new chance he gives me to cultivate, to improve myself and to become a person worthy of representing and defending Falun Gong and spreading the Fa in this world of ordinary people.