Later, I had strong doubts of whether to go or not, as I failed some exams at university and would have to re-sit them over summer. Failing to pass meant that I would have to withdraw from the course. I hadn’t gotten used to life at university and found it difficult in both cultivation and Fa-rectification. I was quite indecisive about a lot of things and settling down was hard.
Another doubt came from my parents saying that I should work hard every day for my re-sits. My parents are very concerned about reputation and image. In most UK cities, Chinese communities are quite strongly connected and if someone knows something today, the rest will know it by tomorrow. So when Falun Gong was being persecuted in 1999 and the old forces were strong, they were very angry that I kept on practising. My father was embarrassed that I practised, as he worked in a Chinese restaurant, so the rest of the staff would have treated him differently if it was found that I was practising. My mother and father would try to stop me from going out to do the exercises, but it was mainly when I attended Dafa activities that they would shout at me. My mother even said how terrible her life was because of this. They often repeated propaganda from the Chinese newspapers. When I asked them what they thought of Dafa or why they suddenly thought it was bad, my father being the typical Chinese father would say nothing and my mother wouldn’t even let me say anything. They would be quite petty and irrational. I would often cry back then and sit and think. There were some activities going on in the town centre at that time and I didn’t go, as I succumbed to emotional attachments. At the time, this was quite a strong attachment for me. After, I would try every method possible to change their views, I would reason with them and sometimes I would even argue with them. In the end after talking to some of the practitioners around me, I quit trying to prove anything to my parents. Master said in the Knowing Heart, “grand talk counts for naught when it comes to life and death, but actions reveal what is true” and later I managed to go to the activities. It is only after a while that I realised part of their behaviour was from their worry for me, but the other part, when they were extremely angry in what they said, was really the evil forces’ interference.
Every time I tried to go out to later activities, they would say the same things or make up ridiculous things such as, “don’t go to the park, because it’s windy and a tree might blow over.” Sometimes the things they said really hurt. My father would say, “If you go out, don’t call yourself my son” and also “if you leave, don’t come back.” I gradually matured and could learn to distinguish my attachments from the evil forces and what was rational or irrational. It was quite a hard period of time to live in.
Returning to this summer, I spoke to my mother on the phone and explained that I was going to America to validate the Fa, even though I had re-sits. She didn’t want me to go and tried to persuade me not to go. At this point, from all the noise, my father came down the stairs and he joined in too. This period of time is definitely different to that of 1999, as Master told us the evil force are now at their end but there are still some forms of weak interference. Between then and now, many things happened: my parents started to accept Falun Gong and started to like the exercises, as I had stepped out more, but also from some Chinese media that has revealed the truth and been very influential in the local Chinese community. It was really good that my parents could read in a newspaper that Falun Gong is good, instead of seeing the usual propaganda rubbish.
My parents were still not keen on me going to Washington. They took this chance to try and make me feel guilty for going, that I hadn’t fulfilled my responsibility at home, and my mind wasn’t really settled. So, going to Washington was not so straightforward for me. However, it was a different situation when I got there. There were so many activities to go to and so many other practitioners from all over the world, it was really amazing and I felt very happy to be there. Staying with other practitioners and continually chatting to them really helped broaden my thinking and helped me look inside at things I was having difficulty with in both Fa-Rectification and cultivation.
Being in Washington, I felt really free, as I had nothing to do but validate the Fa and meet with other practitioners. When my father tried to stop me from going, he said, “Why are you going to Washington? It’s a political place, nothing’s going on there. It’s not as if you’ll meet anyone important when you go.” From this hint, I knew that Master would turn up at the conference and He did. It was really moving seeing Him lecture but it also felt like reading a lecture of Zhuan Falun as well. From seeing Master in Washington, I felt a great sense of responsibility and compassion, that He truly was looking after us and really treasured us all. I felt really tranquil and came upon an understanding. I already knew that seeing Master would not magically dissolve my problems or worries but what I did not expect was that I could feel at peace with them, to feel that these problems were still there but could not hinder me. It is not easy to explain, but to feel serene inside, while everything is hectic outside, it seemed like the terms “problem” and “worry” were only concepts developed over time and that to truly get rid of them, the answer was not to solve these problems in a step by step manner in the external world, but to merely be who I should be and let go of these attachments. Before setting off, I was quite sentimental about being with my old school friends who were also practitioners, as we had done a lot of local activities together and helped each other and so on. I would have liked to be with them at the activities and some of the time I was, but when they weren’t there I would try to look for them. In my heart, I had this fear of being on my own, a fear of truly being myself, doing the things I am capable of and taking responsibility for my own things.
When the main Dafa activities ended, the bright sun turned into rain and the night was stormy. A few practitioners went home, but out of the people who were staying, some decided to go sightseeing, others went to the embassies; I decided to go to New York for the last day I was in America. I don’t know why, but I was talking to a practitioner, before the main activities started, about which parts of America he had been to and I got a feeling in my heart when he mentioned New York. So, earlier in the day, I went to the train station and booked my ticket, the woman at the counter, saw my bright yellow T-Shirt and said, “Wow, What is Falun Gong? I saw many of you at the Mall, but did not have time to go and check it out.” I told her the truth and gave her some leaflets; she also reduced the price on my ticket as much as possible as it was quite expensive. I didn’t have a clue about why I should go so I went back to the hotel. When I got there, some other practitioners I was staying with had got some supplies of Dafa materials that day and so they just gave me a pile of leaflets to give out in New York Chinatown, when they found out I was going.
New York is a much busier place than Washington and I had trouble getting there. People weren’t as helpful there as in Washington, but a couple of people were really friendly and helped me get on the subway to Chinatown. Once I got to Chinatown, I started exploring, and was actually wandering in the wrong direction when I bumped into two UK practitioners, one of whom was staying with me in Washington. They said that they were supposed to fly back to UK the previous day, but the electrical storm that evening meant that their flight would have to be delayed for a day so they went sightseeing instead.
We decided we should hand out some leaflets in Chinatown instead of sightseeing. The evil interference there was quite strong actually. As soon as we were walking to Chinatown, it started raining and the leaflets were getting wet, so we sent forth righteous thoughts. It reminded me of the sudden rain that occurred during the rally at Washington. Giving out leaflets was hard in New York. People would just walk right by, unlike Washington; they wouldn’t stop to listen. It was only after sending forth righteous thoughts and letting go of attachments, that things got easier and eventually all the leaflets just went. Afterwards, we went to a Chinese buffet, where one of the practitioners I was with decided to give a leaflet to a group of Chinese people on the table next to us. They replied that they were also practitioners, and not only that, but they needed some help with a demonstration outside the City Mayor Hall, because most Dafa practitioners went back to work after the conference.
When we were outside the City hall, we began practising the exercises, while some other practitioners were trying to rally support for the release of Charles Li from the Mayor. Then, halfway through the exercises, we heard 2 gunshots from around the corner from where we were and then suddenly the area was flooded with policemen. About 30 police vehicles came with ambulances, a swat team etc. It turns out that someone had shot a councilman, on his way back to City Hall. We had to clear out our banners and materials, etc and that was the end of the activity for the day. There was major interference that day and it showed me that these were the last desperate attempts by the old forces.
Throughout cultivation, the demands on one’s character gets higher and higher, and one feels pain, because you have eradicate more and more karma. Teacher tells us a story in Lecture 9 about how everyone in a work place wanted a flat, but it was the practitioner there who needed it most. He gave it away to a person who wanted it and then said, “…we don’t care for what ordinary people have. But what we have, that’s something ordinary people couldn’t get, even if they wanted to.” The real way to settle problems is to meet the demands on one’s character and not to gain a new apartment or other things. I am really happy to be here and hope to “finish up the last step well”, as Teacher says.
Thank you for listening.
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