The Attachment to Qing is Like a Chain That Holds Practitioners Back

[Editors Note: Qing is a Chinese term that encompasses concepts such as sentiment, emotion, affection, inclination, interest, etc.]

Greetings, Honourable Teacher! Hello, fellow practitioners! My name is Huang Xiaomin. I was a professional swimmer in China. During my athletic career I won many medals in international sports events, including the Olympics and Asia Games. Years of intensive training took its toll on my health. I suffered from a rheumatic disease and an irregular heartbeat, among other health issues. I visited several famous hospitals, but the best doctors and most advanced medicine proved unable to help me. My rheumatic disease was so severe that I lost sensation in my lower legs. I knew that I was facing paralysis. The physical and mental suffering was beyond expression. I was forced to retire from competitive swimming at the young age of 23.

At that time, a friend of mine introduced me to Falun Gong. One week after I began to practise Falun Gong, while I was "Holding the Wheel in front of the Abdomen," a stream of energy suddenly emitted from my palms. I was astonished by the feeling. This experience convinced me of the miracle of Falun Gong. Within one year, all my physical problems were completely gone. Falun Dafa rescued me from my pain and misery. Teacher gave me a second chance at life. I could not find any words to describe my gratitude to Teacher. But from the bottom of my heart, I often cried out, "Thank you, Teacher!" -respectfully referring to the founder of Falun Dafa, Mr. Li Hongzhi)

Now I would like to talk about how I slowly relinquished my fear during cultivation.

Because of my busy schedule at work and laziness in cultivation, for a long time I was not cultivating myself with my full effort. Beginning in the spring of last year, I finally contacted other Korean practitioners in my area and got involved in efforts to validate the Fa to others. Soon after, I encountered a xinxing (heart nature) test.

My first public Falun Dafa event was a parade on July 20th, 2004. During the parade, NTDTV and The Epoch Times interviewed me. When they were ready to publish the interview, I began to feel afraid. Because I have always maintained a strong attachment to my family members, I worried that the evil government would persecute them in China. Because I could not let go of that fear and my attachment to my family, I did not agree to let the interview be published. I missed out on a good opportunity to expose the persecution.

During the Summer Olympic Games, The Epoch Times planned to interview me again. Because of several interferences, the interview did not happen. But The Epoch Times in other countries reported my story, including my history and my cultivation of Falun Gong. I was upset by this.

A practitioner in my area called me to explain the situation. He began the conversation by saying " I am sorry that I did not handle this matter well." His attitude touched me deeply. I saw how fellow practitioners could look inside themselves for their shortcomings. Had I done that? I knew that these fellow practitioners were short of money and had to contribute a lot to many projects to clarify the truth. Yet this practitioner still talked on his cell phone for over 30 minutes to help me improve my understanding of the Fa. (law or principle; the teachings in Falun Gong)

The fellow practitioner's righteous thoughts and compassion moved me. I realised that cultivation is a serious matter. I began to recall Teacher's words about family members. I realised that I couldn't control my family members' lives. I thought I could arrange a good life for them and then concentrate on cultivation. That couldn't have been more wrong. Cultivation is unconditional. Now that Falun Dafa is being persecuted, and I haven't stepped forward to defend the practise, but I still hope to benefit from it. Can I call myself a Falun Dafa practitioner of the Fa Rectification Period? I felt ashamed of myself. I had already been a late starter in revealing the crimes against Falun Gong, and now I still didn't have a sense of urgency. How could I be so selfish?

After the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party¹ was published, I published my statement to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) on the Internet. Although the CCP maintains tight control of the news, my statement became widely known in China. When one of my family members travelled to the South, someone asked him about this news. A famous sports personality said that my practise of Falun Gong and my announcement to quit the CCP had sent quite a shock wave through the swimming community in China.

Soon after I publicly quit the CCP, the party talked to my family to find out more about me. They threatened that my actions would jeopardise the promotions of a certain family member. They said that the CCP could do anything it chose to hurt us. Fellow practitioners were concerned, and they often asked me about my family in China. We had some good discussions on how a Falun Dafa practitioner should deal with such evil interference. However, I still could not let go of the attachment to my loved ones and the fear that my family would be persecuted. As a result, I did not have the courage to expose the evil.

Later the CCP's intimidation grew ever worse. They even said that I would never be allowed to go back to China and that my mother would never again be able to visit me in Korea. They also threatened that the national security police were investigating me. A package I mailed to China was opened. It was obvious that the evil CCP was watching me, because only the Communist Party would stoop to opening private mail.

The harassment of my family deeply touched my attachment to qing and fear. After several long discussions, I decided that I would not be controlled by my attachment to family members. I would expose the evil, because that's what the evil fears most. If I kept my attachment to family and my other fears, the evil would be more rampant. I also came to realise that all the achievements and fame I had gained were for a reason. I decided to take advantage of my fame and honour to validate Falun Dafa and save more people.

Earlier this year, I attended the Manhattan International Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference. I listened to fellow practitioners' experiences and got to know many practitioners from all over the world. I saw my shortcomings in cultivation. I also realised that qing and the attachments generated from it are like chains that bind and hold practitioners back. One must relinquish the constraints of sentimentality before moving up to higher levels during cultivation.

Note:

1. 1. Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party: Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party is a series of essays published in late 2004 that reveal the true nature of the Communist Party. The Nine Commentaries have led millions of people to renounce their membership in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and come to gain a clearer understanding about the wrongful persecution against Falun Gong. "A book that has shocked all Chinese around the world. A book that is disintegrating the Communist Party." http://ninecommentaries.com