There is Always Hope as Long as We Do Not Give Up

During a group study session of the teachings of Falun Gong or the Fa, one practitioner mentioned that her home environment was very bad. Her spouse not only strongly opposed her practising Falun Gong but also tried to control her thoughts at all times. The situation has lasted for a long time.

This reminded me of something that I had experienced, so I shared it with a fellow practitioner. The practitioner felt somehow enlightened after hearing my story, and she encouraged me to send it to the Minghui/Clearwisdom website so more practitioners could benefit from it. Because there are still many practitioners who cannot strengthen their minds and always treat themselves as cultivators, they are trapped by superficial sicknesses and all kinds of difficulties. Thus they fail to advance in personal cultivation or even worse, start to drop in levels.

In 2000, when I was in a detention centre, one of the guards hit my temples really hard while interrogating me, and then dragged me by my hair all the way from the interrogation room to my cell. I could not even tell where my face was bleeding. I could only feel that my eyes were swollen and very sore. The female guard of the cell was also quite frightened at my appearance.

The next day I was unable to see anything with either eye and my left eye was so painful that I could not even sleep at night. Inmates in my cell reported my condition to the guard. Afraid of being held responsible, the guard took me to the jail clinic for an examination. The doctor, while examining me, said in a cold tone, "Don't think you will leave here, even if you become blind!"

After two days, since the jail clinic was not able to treat me, one male guard and two female guards took me to the Tongren Hospital Eye Clinic for an examination. During that time, although my eyes were extremely sore, I had no fear in my mind, just the strong thought, "I'm guarded by the Fa, I will not become blind." The hospital checked me and claimed that I immediately needed medication to dilate my pupils. Otherwise I would become permanently blind. While checking me, the doctor asked how I became injured. I told him about the bad deeds of the jail guards, and that I was young and practised Falun Gong. I said that I did not need medication and would recover soon as long as I could keep practising Falun Gong.

While showing sympathy with what I had gone through, the doctor insisted that I needed an injection. Two policemen held me to the bed so that the doctor could inject anaesthetic into my eyes. However, my eyeballs kept moving around, making it impossible for the doctor to do the injection. After several attempts, the policemen had to let me get up. Since the hospital was quite crowded, they dared not shout at me or beat me. I sat on a bench in the hallway as the three of them stood around me on my left, right, and front. They tried to persuade me to accept just one injection to show that they had done their jobs.

I told them calmly that I did not want the injection and would recover as long as they let me continue to do the exercises. After talking like this for around half an hour, they changed their strategy. They took me to the psychiatric department and wanted the doctor to write a statement saying that I was mentally ill.

The young female doctor made them wait outside, while she talked with me alone. She tested me with questions, all of which I answered clearly. When she was not asking questions, I told her about the changes I had experienced in both my mind and body after I started practising Falun Dafa and about the pain and disaster that had been inflicted on numerous families because of our government's ill-treatment of Falun Gong. She listened quietly for about twenty minutes. Then she stood up, walked out to the police officers, and said, "She is very normal and has no mental problems." The policemen could do nothing but take me back to the detention centre.

Back at the detention centre, my eyes did not get worse or better. At night, however, I couldn't help screaming because of the extreme pain. After a couple of days, my family came and took me home. Later, I learnt that I had been slated to be sent to a forced labour camp.

I enlightened that I could pass the tests as long as I kept righteous thoughts and acted righteously. I reminded myself that there was Teacher and Fa.

"It doesn't matter what so-called Buddha, what Dao, what Deity, or what demon it is--they can't sway me." ( Zhuan Falun)

I knew that bigger tests were coming.

My father was very irritated and even beat me because of my condition. Because he had suffered inflammation of the iris before, he believed that I had inherited his disease and should go to the hospital to have my pupils dilated. I tried to avoid arguing with him and said, "Let me practise Falun Gong and read the book, and I will recover. I will not go to the hospital." My father had no choice but to leave me alone.

My father-in-law was a retired military officer and would be turning 80 that year. Since the day I was arrested, the army secretary kept talking with him and stated that the military residential court would not accommodate anyone practising Falun Gong, nor would they tolerate any of our relatives practising Falun Gong. Feeling the dilemma of his parents, my husband told me that I could no longer live there [with my in-laws], and I should be prepared to be divorced. We had maintained a very good relationship and his words made me very sad. Then, Teacher's poem from Hong Yin came to mind:

"Tempering the Will

To consummate yourself, reaping Buddhahood,
Let joy be found in hardship.
Physical pains count little as suffering,
Indeed, cultivating mind is hardest.
Each and every barrier must be broken through,
And everywhere does evil lurk.
Abundant troubles rain down together,
All to see: Can you pull through?
The world's miseries endured,
One departs the earth a Buddha."

I reminded myself that I was a cultivator and should not change my will because of these superficial hardships.

Thus I stayed at home studying the Fa and doing the exercises. Initially, I could not even see the contours of objects, just some weak light. I put my face close to Zhuan Falun and pointed a finger at each character. I tried to recognise them one by one. At that time, I remembered what I had heard during an experience sharing. Some elderly, illiterate practitioners were eventually able to read the whole book with the help of a small dictionary. I believed that the miracle of Falun Dafa would help me to read even though I couldn't see. It indeed happened. I just felt there was a small frame in front of my eyes and inside it was the character that I was pointing at, very blurred but recognisable. In this way I was able to read about one lecture per day.

In less than a week, I could see with my right eye fairly clearly, although I still had to hold the book close to my eyes. After about another week, I could open my left eye a little and I could read with both eyes. Gradually I was able to see the objects around me. I told my father about what was happening. He did not mention sending me to the hospital again but murmured, "You just got through it this time, because you are young and healthy." I knew that at the bottom of his heart he was already surprised by my improvement but was unwilling to admit it to save face. After about a month, I had recovered my original level of sight in both eyes. My husband was very excited and told my in-laws. Although I still was not allowed to move back and live with them, no one mentioned divorce again.

In the last few years of my cultivation, I did well in some tests and not well in others. I even wrote the three statements against my will. At one point I even gave up Fa study and doing the exercises. Although I am now on my return journey, I still feel that I belong to those who have not been diligent. Even the three basic tasks cannot be guaranteed. I have been very anxious. Every time I read Teacher's lectures, I feel like a lazy donkey, only moving forward a little bit after being whipped. Reading the experience sharing articles by fellow practitioners and seeing their progress, I always feel so ashamed of myself. After picking up some momentum, it does not take long for me to slack off again, which makes me very worried. I keep telling myself, "If I cultivate like this, how can I be considered a cultivator? Can I still keep up with Fa rectification?"

Nevertheless, I have never hesitated about one thing--my determination to continue on my cultivation path. Our compassionate Teacher let me experience the compassionate power of his words,

"The truth is, I treasure you more than you treasure yourselves!" ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)," from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

Just two weeks ago, I had dream. Two people claimed they came from the heavens, and they showed human beings the spectacular appearance of heavenly realms. They demonstrated how they flew from heaven to earth, how they entered a "skin" and took the form of a human being. Patting a child on the back, one of them told the other, "We should give him more chances." The child lay on his arms submissively. After I woke up, I realised that the child was me. Teacher used the dream to enlighten me to "Be more diligent," and not give up.

One of the reasons that I wrote about these incidents was to encourage myself to abandon selfishness and to continue on my cultivation path with determination. On the other hand, I wanted to share Teacher's words with those practitioners who are still trapped by their own hardships,

"With attachments left behind,
the lightened boats sail swiftly,"
("The Knowing Heart" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

It is really the case! The more Fa you put into your heart and the more you remember that you are a cultivator, the bigger the step you can take forward. Your heart will be more righteous, and you will feel more confident. Vice versa, you will feel the interference come in higher and higher waves without letting up, until your will is completely crushed. Let's cherish this historical cultivation opportunity, cherish the human body that we obtained after suffering numerous reincarnations, cheer up, and return home as soon as possible.