Article from the UK Fa Conference: Looking Inward so as to Improve Amidst Conflicts and Tensions

I started to practise Falun Gong in the summer of 1999. During the past several years of my cultivation, I have encountered a great deal of challenges and difficulties, meanwhile I have also learnt so much in these processes. Here I would like to share my experience and understanding with you of searching inward, and improving oneself through conflicts and tensions.

This year in the Edinburgh International festival, many practitioners came to participate in the Cavalcade from all over the UK. I was given the responsibility of providing the accommodation, meals and dresses for the cavalcade. I was already advised by my practitioner friend not to lose my temper this time, as I have done before, and take this opportunity to improve my character further. I understood that very well and also kept telling myself to guard my speech.

On Friday, practitioners started to arrive at the place we booked in Edinburgh from different cities in the UK. Due to the shortage of the rooms, some practitioners had to sleep on the floor. On Saturday morning, several more practitioners arrived looking obviously exhausted after a long drive overnight. We had booked more rooms for them as planned, however we could only get hold of the keys and use those rooms in the evening. I was thinking of arranging for them to share with other practitioners temporarily to have a short rest. Among these practitioners there was a senior Western practitioner. I was not quite sure if he would sleep on the floor, and a bit hesitant to ask. Then he asked me why he did not have a room to stay in since he booked one for himself three weeks in advance. I had been also very stressed and pressured with all the organising, so I felt piqued and started to complain before he could get an opportunity to express himself, “I have asked you all to book your room three MONTHS ago, but nobody listened. Does anyone have any idea how difficult to find and book a cheap place in Edinburgh is during the festival?…” As you can imagine, he was obviously not happy with my reaction, so he said he would not come next time if things would carry on like this, and then he walked away and started to do the exercises with others in silence.

When he was doing the exercises, I felt my heart and mind were stirred. I could feel two forces were fighting within my body, one been my demon nature which made me feel wrongly treated, angry and want to argue with that practitioner; the other my Buddha nature, reminding myself to behave as a practitioner, calm down and follow Master’s words and look inside myself.

Master says,

Zhuan Falun - Lecture Four)

I asked myself how I would feel if I was in his shoes. I would have noticed that this senior practitioner had been travelling overnight stuffed with several others in a shared car. Imagine how exhausted he would be without a proper sleep. Furthermore he needed to help design the float, and probably had little time to rest himself.

I started to blame myself, and tried to find out what hampered me from being considerate and throw so many complaints on him. After I realised that I had a strong ego hidden behind the complaints, I calmed myself down completely. Isn’t cultivation to get rid of our attachments, including egotism? At this moment, I strongly felt that I should apologise to him, and so I did. Before I finished my words when I approached him, he started to look inwards and told me his attachments. The more he said, the guiltier I felt for myself. Seeing his sincerity of looking inward I could hardly hold back my tears, because I could feel the power of the Fa, I could see that everything would be fine when we looked inwards and improved ourselves.

Although this small incident helped me recognise my attachment, the attachment of ego would not leave without pain in one go. Our notions might be generated for generations in our incarnations, deeply rooted in our body layer by layer, and will come out once they are touched.

The cavalcade would begin in the afternoon. Some practitioners were doing make-up, some were chatting in the meeting room. I felt worried about this situation, so I suggested to them to send forth righteous thoughts and recite the Falun Gong teachings. Practitioners on the fourth floor took my suggestions happily. However, I did not feel confident to speak to the girls upstairs because I was afraid that they might be angry with me. I feared that some practitioners might say some sharp words and embarrass me. So I gave my suggestion but not in a direct way.

After the cavalcade, most practitioners went back to the cities they came from, some of us stayed and had an experience sharing in the evening. A practitioner told me that some girls did not feel comfortable with my suggestions that morning, she also advised me that I should not deduce that some practitioners were not serious with the activities just because their behaviour was different from what I expected. My blood was rushing to my face, my heart pulsating hard, I felt sour in my nose. I tried my best to control my temper before it lashed out. I admitted that I was not very confident with my advise. A practitioner pointed out my shortcoming directly that I should pay more attention to other practitioners’ positive aspects instead of complaining about other practitioners’ shortcomings. She explained how many hardships others had overcome to come to Edinburgh for the activities here. She also made me understand more about how hard practitioners have been repeating exercising the dance to achieve a better performance, how practitioners were helping each other to make the activity a success. I recalled the moment when I gave my advice, on the one hand I was afraid of being misunderstood, on the other hand, I mixed my complaints with the advice I proposed, and consequently it caused some practitioners to be unhappy with my advice. Had I been more kind and calm, this would have lead to a much better result.

During these days of activities in Edinburgh, I came across several conflicts and tensions with other practitioners. Although they appeared to be different, I found all these conflicts resulted from my own selfishness, my being wronged, my contribution, my tiredness, my reputation and other factors relevant to myself. Because of these attachments, I have unpleasant arguments with others, which can sometimes bother me for quite a long while. I have realised these attachments but find them hard to root out.

After the Edinburgh festival, I found more time to read Master’s lectures. In Touring North America to Teach the Fa, Master says,

“When they’re helping me, at the same time they hide their selfish intention of protecting themselves. They all want to change others but not themselves—no one wants to change himself—and they even try to preserve as much as possible the things they’re attached to and won’t let go of.”

I understood that the old cosmos cannot avoid the final stage due to its selfishness, while the great law in the new cosmos requires all beings to look inward so as to mend itself automatically, to make it more pure. Master has already taught us laws to let go of our attachments, and it is up to us to choose following the law of the old cosmos or the one of the new cosmos. If we do not follow this law of the new cosmos, we will probably play into the old force's hands.

I will absolutely deny the arrangement of the old elements in the cosmos, walk on the path arranged by Master by searching inside myself, getting rid of selfish attachments to achieve the truly righteous enlightenment.

Finally please allow me to share with you Master’s teaching in the Los Angeles Fa conference:

“Cultivate yourselves. I don't want the environment Dafa disciples have to become one in which people point fingers at each other. I want the environment to be one in which everyone can accept criticism and at the same time look inside themselves. If everyone cultivates himself, everyone looks within, and everyone cultivates himself well, won't the conflicts be few? This is a principle I have taught all along, going back to when I first began teaching the Fa. Isn't that so? Improvement for a cultivator definitely doesn't result from finger pointing, nor does it result from my criticism of you as your Master or from your pointing fingers at or criticising each other. It comes from you cultivating yourself.”

Thank you dear Master, thank you all.