One evening before the Chinese New Year, I studied the Fa, that is the Falun Gong teachings, for five to six hours straight. As I studied, my body entered a state in which I felt weightless. I did not know where my flesh body had gone, and I only had one thought left--of studying the Fa. In that state, I felt that I had no flesh body, and my body seemed to be in the form of light or energy.
During my study, I was struck by Master's boundless compassion. Infinite compassion arose in my heart, and I felt much regret. I could not help looking back at my cultivation journey. How much had I truly thought about others during those painful tribulations or conflicts? How many times had I truly let go of the attachment to myself? How many times had I really realised, from the bottom of my heart, that I should be a genuine Falun Dafa disciple who always searches within himself, compassionately treats others, and tries to offer salvation to the numerous sentient beings? When I was hurt, when others did not treat me well, when I was in many other situations, how many times could I not help complaining about others and fail to calm myself down to search within myself? How many times did I truly show the forgivingness, generosity, compassion, and peacefulness that a Dafa disciple should have? And how many times have I truly lived up to the standards of
"...remain unmoved when self-interest and feelings are involved" and "when the person who was hit feels no resentment or hatred while experiencing pain and settles what was done to him with a smile..?" ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference" on February 28th, 2004)
One evening last year when I was in a painful tribulation, I silently said to Master that I would strengthen my faith. In a dream I told Master what I was thinking, and Master replied in a compassionate and gentle voice, "Not sure if you can." In the dream, I did not understand what Master's words meant, so I foolishly looked at Master. He said it again, but in a heavier tone, "Not sure if you can." Looking back at what I have done, I feel regret that I have failed to live up to Master's expectations. Over the period of more than ten years, Master has exhausted himself for the disciples who are still in delusion. It is I who had not woken up, who had stumbled again and again in tribulations, and who has had to be dragged forward by Master on this most divine path of cultivation.
"My disciples, you shouldn't always be unaware of these things until I point them out. In fact, everything is included in the Fa. Why not read the books more? I suggest that everyone set his mind to reading ten times the book I wrote, Essentials for Further Advancement, which you call scripture. When your mind isn't at peace, studying the Fa is not effective. You should study it with a peaceful mind." ("A Heavy Blow" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
These are Master's requirements for Dafa disciples, which I had not lived up to.
Ten years ago, I was a local coordinator of Dafa activities. When the tribulations in my cultivation became so huge that I could not pass them, I felt extremely pained. However, I did not know that I should study the Fa with a calm mind; I just knew to kneel in front of Master's photo and shed tears quietly. My heart was in such pain! My enlightenment quality was really poor. Master said:
"Remember, what is for human beings conventional wisdom is inverted. So when you encounter troublesome things as you cultivate, don't regard them all as problems, as interference to your rightful tasks, or as attacks against those tasks, or think, 'This thing I'm doing is of utmost importance, that thing I'm doing is of utmost importance...' Many things might not truly be how you see them, in fact. Your true improvement will always be first and foremost, and the consummation of your cultivation is always first and foremost." ("Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006")
During the Fa-rectification cultivation period, it was also because I had not studied the Fa well that I, amidst the persecution, became lost again in ordinary society. But Master did not give up on me; He kept giving me hints and compassionately saving me. Master made me gradually enlighten to who I am and to know how to cultivate diligently in order to catch up on the path to godhood. I also came to understand Master's words: "Cultivation is about cultivating one's self. No matter what kind of state emerges, you need to take a hard look at yourself." ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital" on July 22nd, 2006)
I am proud to be a Dafa disciple during the Fa- rectification time. With this mindset, I often think about how I can live up to the title of "Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciple," the most glorious one in the cosmos. I often think about how to negate all the old cosmic forces' arrangements and only follow the path arranged by Master. But how should I in order to meet Master's requirements? So I study the Fa diligently. Then, to offer sentient beings salvation, to allow ordinary people to understand me, and to offer people a chance to be saved, I try hard to cultivate myself in conformance with ordinary society and to do the three things well.
Dafa practitioners should make use of all the time and conveniences that they have to do well the three things. I have thought this way, so have I acted this way. I use the Fa principles to restrict and guide my thinking and behaviour. Even so, I sometimes still unknowingly develop some human attachments. I find that I still have a long way to go to catch up, and I need to study the Fa diligently. I hope that Dafa practitioners can encourage each other and cultivate diligently.
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