I often go out to clarify the truth like a monk wondering around and Master's poem "Tathagata" would come to my mind:
"Coming with true principles of free will,
With a light and easy spirit, traversing the four seas
The Fa principles spread everywhere in the human world
Fully laden with living beings, the Fa boat sails."
My understanding is that Master is not afraid of difficulty and hardships in saving us and has brought us onto the Falun Dafa boat of rectifying Fa right from the beginning. Now we have to give up our self-attachments and cultivate well to become Buddhas and gods so we can better save people, just like Buddhas and gods.
On my travels I have met some fellow practitioners. Among them there are kind aunties, mature middle aged gentlemen, young active Dafa disciples and also pretty outgoing elder sisters. We will greet each other with "I am the same as you," or an understanding smile, or a heshi with two hands. Then we leave each other and are busy with our own things. However, seeing each other on the way enhances my righteous thoughts and will to be more diligent.
Recently, I realized that I launch my internet browser more often than normal and browsed through various websites with the excuse of needing to pay close attention to national and international situations so it is easier to tell the truth. If I missed a day and didn't go on the internet to scan some information or make some posts in the online chat rooms, I felt that there is something missing from the day and I am very uncomfortable. Even though I do the three things and read the Dafa book, do I still have an attachment? Is it something that I can not let go of and have not yet eliminated my attachment to through cultivation? I always used doing three things as an excuse to cover and protect myself. The cultivation process is a process of getting rid of attachments. If I can not eliminate my attachment of enjoying the internet and news, how can I walk on the right path of saving people and rectifying the Fa?
Because we tell the truth so often, sometimes we feel that the environment is getting better and better and the situation is becoming clearer. Many people now realize the truth and agree with Dafa. Once we feel happy about his we can often neglect our safety? I send the righteous thoughts four times a day. However I often slept through the midnight one. I just sat there for 10 to 20 minutes without sending out the righteous thoughts and then lay down to continue sleeping. During the daytime, my mind can also become unclear and is interfered with when I send forth righteous thoughts. All these phenomenon are warning signs about my diligence.
Now let me talk about my attachment of showing off. I have not completely eliminated the attachment of pursuing fame. Sometimes I do not even realize it when it appears, thus it isn't controlled. It seems to me that I understand the Fa principles slightly better than others and that I've persuaded more people to quit Communist party and its related youth associations than others. So I somehow feel delighted about myself without being aware of it. When I tell the truth to everyday people and introduce the Dafa principles and situations, I somehow have an emotional feeling of being superior to them and feel like I am walking on air. Every time I publish an article on the web, I feel happy in my heart. Even though, on the surface, it may seem that I did not show off and my family members did not know about some articles, the feeling of pride is still there. All these areas reflect my attachment of pursuing fame and showing off. It is not obvious when I do not do anything. However, when I have some kind of achievement, I have found that this attachment becomes really obvious. What do I do all these things for? Is it for showing off myself and my abilities? Or is it for better validating Dafa, for Fa-rectification and for better saving sentient beings? All my abilities are manifested by Dafa and I am only a tiny particle within Dafa. In front of the profound Buddha's Fa and Grand Master, I am only a tiny microscopic speck of dirt in the enormous universe. Doing the three things well (Study the Fa [the teachings of Falun Dafa], send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and about the persecution to the world's people) is what I should do and it is my vow from millions of years ago and my predestined historic arrangement. If I do not do well, I should think deeply and feel ashamed. Because my sense of self and my selfish attachments are so strong, it is hard for my righteous side to manifest.
In the mean time, when I see a fellow practitioners' attachment, what kind of a heart do I have? Is it a tolerant merciful heart for helping? Or a standing-by person's heart for criticizing? Do we kindly provide help? Or do we just judge it indifferently? The difference in xinxing (charachter) levels and cultivation states will clearly manifest.
I feel my cultivation is clearly better than before. But when I really look inward I find that my xinxing is still far away from the standard of purity and from the level of a Buddha or God. I still have so many attachments that I need to get rid of.
Here I want to thank Master again for his compassionate hints. I will be the cultivator described as "Forbearing hardships, advancing whole-heartedly, discarding attachments" (from "Hong Yin" - Climbing the Tai Mountains), and do three things even better!
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