An Unclean Mind Prevented Me from Achieving Tranquility

It was ten years ago in May when I first started practicing Falun Gong at age 22. My child is seven years old. Needless to say, I have faced trials and tribulations in the past ten years of cultivation practice. Every Falun Gong practitioner's history of cultivation is long enough to be a book, and no one else can know the feelings and emotions which each of us has personally experienced. Nevertheless, it is the highest honor to be able to cultivate; to live in the same era when Teacher rectifies the Fa and to validate the Fa under Teacher's watch and protection. Let me not digress and summarize my recent experience of memorizing the Fa.

I started to memorize the Fa in 2006. I decided to memorize the Fa because I failed to have a tranquil mind when I studied the Fa. I tried to study the Fa quickly as though I was getting something over with. When I studied the Fa, I no longer felt blown away like I used to feel before July 20, 1999. Teacher said,

"It's not that the Fa isn't powerful anymore. It's that the requirements are higher, and that Dafa disciples must do all three things well before they will see improvement." (" Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York")

I felt very anxious. I knew I had been doing the three things, but I was not completely selfless because I clarified the truth only to selective people. During the process of doing the three things, I was tethered by human attachments. What should I do? I decided to memorize the Fa. It took me less than a year to memorize Zhuan Falun for the first time. I worked at it every day. I would memorize two paragraphs to four pages of Zhuan Falun a day.

I had learned a lesson from my previous attempts to memorize the Fa, which met with failure. This time I would not try to recite the paragraphs I had memorized the previous day. I made sure that I memorized new paragraphs daily. My goal was to memorize the paragraphs for the day. Thus I finally finished reciting Zhuan Falun for the first time.

In 2007, I started to recite Zhuan Falun for the second time. This time I recited the Fa in writing. I planned to memorize and transcribe Zhuan Falun this time and pass the transcription to a relative as a gift -- this way I could "shoot two birds with one stone." I have now almost finished, with only 20 pages left.

I stopped memorizing the Fa for some time because I started to treat it as something to get through quickly. I felt something was wrong with my mentality, so I rectified it by studying Teacher's Fa lectures since July 20, 1999. However, I didn't feel my xinxing was upgraded. In other words, I didn't feel connected to the Fa. I knew this meant I didn't have a tranquil mind and I didn't study the Fa wholeheartedly. Why? I felt bitter, but I didn't know what the root cause was. A few days ago, I resumed memorizing Zhuan Falun. Two words caught my attention: "not clean." Teacher said,

"[...] as it is your mind that is not clean. You are therefore unable to have a tranquil mind." (Lecture Nine in Zhuan Falun)

All of sudden I sensed a sharp contrast between "not clean" and "not tranquil." Teacher said, "not clean." Doesn't that mean human attachments are filthy and heavy? If I don't pour out the bad human attachments, how will I ever be able to assimilate to the characteristics of the universe --- Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance? I have been practicing Falun Gong for ten years and studied Lecture Nine countless times, but I felt as though this was the first time I noticed these two words and felt cultivating inward is the foundation of cultivation and foundation of entering tranquility. Having a tranquil mind, elevating one's level and strengthening one's ability for staying in tranquility complement each other. Why couldn't I enter tranquility? When I searched inward, I found filthy human attachments and filthy thoughts. I knew they were not part of me and I must eliminate them in my cultivation. It is crucial that I reinforce my righteous thoughts and not be manipulated by thought karma to do bad things. It is important for me to tell right from wrong. To prevail over these bad thoughts and attachments, it is essential for me to study and memorize the Fa. I know it. After all, I have been cultivating for many years.

I would like to remind fellow practitioners the importance of studying and memorizing the Fa. Only when we melt ourselves into the Fa wholeheartedly will we be able to obtain the feeling of fulfillment and joy the Fa brings us. It is a feeling that nothing else can bring you. I cherish the Fa and I hope you will too.