Thought Karma

I want to share with my fellow practitioners something that happened with me yesterday.

First, I have to say that I have always had problems with doing the exercises. I have never been diligent at doing them...probably in other aspects of cultivation, I do better.

Every time I intended to do the exercises, I felt uneasy. But the feeling was hazy, and I never tried to find its root or any causes for it, although I knew vaguely that it was because of laziness. I knew generally that I was lazy and that I have this big attachment, as well as many other small attachments, but my reason for not doing well best fit under the big label of laziness. The uneasiness comes also from the fact that I usually don't succeed in calming my mind enough during the exercises, which makes me suffer.

But it seemed that identifying "laziness" was not enough. Master says that we have to search within to find and eliminate our attachments. Yesterday I was upset with my situation and my feeling of uneasiness whenever I did the exercises, and when I searched hard within, I surprisingly discovered that I was thinking that the exercises were a waste of time! This sounds strange and shocking, I know, but, really, I found out that this was indeed what I was thinking each time--without being totally aware of it!

And this thought was subordinated by other small thoughts such as: "Anyway, there is not enough time. Definitely, I won't succeed in cultivation whatever I might do now. We are at the end of the the Fa-rectification period, so now what good is being diligent at doing the exercises? I would be better off instead spending my time gaining the honour of doing work for Dafa!" and other such senseless, absurd, and selfish thoughts! It was obviously the manifestation of thought karma, but I hadn't been aware of it!

I had always admitted that I have the "other" manifestations of thought karma such as bad and filthy thoughts that arise from time to time, which I repel vigorously and successfully. But not this manifestation! Even as I read where Master Li talks about thought karma in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun, I had a smile on my face, thinking that I was totally out of the reach of such a situation! But, actually, wasn't it thought karma that was telling me, "don't practice?"

After understanding that, I felt much better, and I did the exercises better and easier. Now that I have detected this karma, I can destroy it. I realized also that, as a practitioner, I shouldn't claim to "know myself well." This was probably a manifestation of complacency. With ongoing cultivation, there will always be new attachments to uncover and eliminate.

Above is my experience and what I awakened to at my very limited current cultivation state and level. Please, fellow practitioners, point out anything improper.