Looking Inwards During Ordeals

At about 9:00 a.m. on April 10, 2009, my husband (also a practitioner) and I went to witness a court hearing of a fellow practitioner. When we got out of the car and had only walked a few steps, we were pulled aside by a woman. She dragged me to the gate of the court house, where plainclothes police officers searched me. Since they found Dafa items and truth-clarification materials in my bag (exposing the illegal persecution of Falun Gong), they proceeded to search my home. That night, police officers from the local police station took me to a detention centre, and held me for 15 days. During this detention, I remained very calm and faced everything with confidence.

While I was held in the detention centre, I did not complain or feel hatred toward anyone. I thought about Dafa's principles, and the Fa Teacher had taught us. The key for a Dafa practitioner is to unconditionally look inside. I calmed down, searched inside bit by bit and found many attachments such as showing off that I had no fear, showing how "brave" I am, and not being rational. I displayed the attachment of validating myself, just like Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:

"There was a person who was walking on the street with my book in his hand, yelling, "I have Teacher Li's protection, so I'm not afraid of being hit by a car."

My attachments of pursuing comfort, not wanting to walk, completing a task when it is convenient, being impetuous, and just doing things for the sake of doing them are all things of an everyday person, and they are deviations from the Fa. Due to the existence of these attachments, I studied the Fa like completing a task, and not from my heart. I could not enlighten to the Fa principles and look inwards. After I found these attachments, I suddenly awakened and wondered, am I a true practitioner?

Teacher said "In Fa-Rectification Your Thoughts Have to be Righteous, Not Human":
"Snap out of it! If even this, the most wicked ordeal ever, can't wake you up, then when the Fa rectifies the human world you will only be able to watch--watch with shock and regret, with angst and lamentful despair for having done so poorly--the magnificent sight of the Consummation of those Dafa disciples who truly cultivated. It's a case of reaping what you sow."

Tears streamed down my face, and I felt unworthy of Teacher's merciful salvation. I pledged to Teacher: "I must certainly practice Dafa firmly. Although I was not diligent in the past, I want to be a genuine practitioner. I believe in Dafa and Teacher 100 percent. I give everything to Teacher and will let Teacher arrange my path."

When I had righteous thoughts and every thought was on the Fa, my entire mind and body experienced changes. My mood suddenly opened up, became light and happy, and without stress. I got up at 3:50 every morning to practice the exercises, sent forth righteous thoughts, and studied the Fa together with several detained practitioners twice a day. We recited Lunyu and the table of contents of Zhuan Falun nine times. Besides eating and sleeping, I wrote down the Fa that I had memorized. When fear and human notions emerged, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them. I spent 11 days in the detention centre this way.

I didn't fear this persecution, and clarified the facts from the first to the last day of my detention. They interrogated me four times, and every time I righteously and sternly questioned them: "You are violating the law knowingly, why do you do this? Are you simply preserving your vested interests? I know you are under pressure from the top, so I do not hate you; instead I worry about you losing your future. Which law did I break? I have the right to be present at a court hearing, and to privacy and freedom of belief. You opened my bag illegally, and clearly you are the ones who have broken the law. I won't tell you where those things came from, as this is my right to privacy. You should take a close look, because all these things are for saving people." They said, "Are we interrogating you, or are you interrogating us?" I said even more sternly: "I am interrogating you. Not only do I interrogate you, I also accuse you." They said that it was my choice if I wanted to accuse them, and asked if I wanted to hire a lawyer. I said that I would not hire a lawyer, because I had no money to do so, and that I would defend myself. Finally, they wanted me to sign a statement, but I refused. They used various methods in an attempt to convince me, but I was not moved at all.

At 11:00 a.m. on April 22, about six policemen came in, dangled handcuffs in front of me, but did not put them on me. Then they transferred me to a women's detention centre. I had no fear at all, and my mind was calm, because Teacher had strengthened me and given me courage.

Teacher said:
"If he is able to let go of life and death, he is a god;" ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia")
"If a cultivator can let go of the thought of life and death under any circumstance, evil is sure to be afraid of him. If every student is able to do this, evil will of itself no longer exist." ("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

They originally wanted to hold me in the detention center for 3 to 7 days, and then transfer me to a forced labor camp. But during the physical examination they found that I had high blood pressure, so I was rejected. I went home without having written any guarantee statement.(statement to declare that one is remorseful for practicing Falun Gong and guarantees not to practice Falun Gong again, not to go to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong, and never again associate with any Falun Dafa practitioners)

From this experience, I realized two things. First, as practitioners we must unconditionally look inwards, rectify ourselves, and improve; and only then will everything be arranged by Teacher. Secondly, we should counter the persecution in an open and honourable way, because everything we do is lawful. We should not use human notions to deal with things, such as worrying about what they found at our homes. If I let myself fall into such a condition, I will have fear and sadness just like an ordinary person, acquire new attachments, and thus make matters worse.

The above are my thoughts at my current level. Please point out any mistakes.