Letting Go Means Elevating

I have been practicing Falun Gong for more than ten years. During my cultivation, I have staggered and tumbled going through tribulations. Although I am far away from Teacher's requirements, I still want to write down my experience of going through xinxing (heart and mind nature, character) tests so that fellow practitioners may avoid the tortuous path that I went down.

From an everyday person's perspective, both my work and family situation are quite superior, and everything is very easy for me. Surrounded by other people's praise, I was gradually overtaken by thoughts of fame, fortune, and sentiment. Although I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises every day, I actually did not do that with my heart, but just went through the motions. Since none of my deeds and words were on the Fa, my brain was not sober then. My sentiment towards my husband became more and more strong. I took very good care of him; however, I thought that since I was so nice to him, I must be the head of the family. As a result I developed an unyielding character. Gradually I came to think that even my siblings should be obedient to me. That way I actually hurt all of them.

At that time, my status as a cultivator was quite dangerous, but I was completely oblivious to it. I felt all I did was for their benefit. The old forces took advantage of the loophole. As a result, my husband became discontented with me. At the beginning of 2003, he started having an affair. After I learned about it, I tried to persuade him to stay. Sometimes, I would also remind myself of some Fa principles, but that had little effect.

In June 2006, we finally divorced. Only after I experienced the pain that penetrated to my very bones did I begin to think within the Fa diligently. I started studying and reciting the Fa every day. I enlightened from the Fa to the reason why I was in so much pain. The root cause was my attachment to sentiment. My tribulation was brought about by my own behavior. But I could not fall behind. Since this was a test of sentiment, I had to endure it.

Teacher said,"But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A."). When I enlightened to the meaning of the Fa, my sadness and pain suddenly disappeared. When one door shuts, another opens. At this point I realized the distress I caused my sisters, so I apologized to them. I also realized that I should take the Fa as teacher and behave and talk in a more friendly manner. I also rectified my words and deeds that were influenced by the CCP culture. When I let go of much more sentiment towards my sisters, I improved greatly.

Soon after I passed the test of sentiment, at the end of 2006, my boss suddenly became dissatisfied with me and found fault with all of the tasks I performed. One or two colleagues also went to the boss to complain about me. I was transferred from the most important office to the least, and rumours appeared from every direction. My colleagues dared not speak with me. Some of my benefits were taken away. Facing the sudden tribulation, with the help of fellow practitioners, I realized its gravity. While sending forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate it, I looked inward and ferreted out my attachment to fame and gain. Because I had won the competition to become the director of the most important office several years before, I had felt my abilities and vocational level were high. I managed the office staff very strictly. My performance was very good. So my desire for fame and gain grew. Also I took advantage of my position to provide privileges for my friends and relatives. I thereby created karma for myself. After I found my attachments, I decided to let go of them. In the meantime, I spent more time studying the Fa and practicing the exercises. Teacher said,

"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."(From "Drive Out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement II).

After I improved, the situation began to change. My boss came over to talk with me, saying that they had treated me wrongly. All my benefits were restored as if nothing had happened. I seized the opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to the colleagues who said bad things and urged them to quit the CCP (Chinese communist party) and its affiliated organizations. Up to now, more than half of my colleagues know the truth about Falun Gong and have quit the CCP.

While going through tests, I deeply realized that only by studying the Fa with a peaceful mind, adhering to the Fa in every deed and word, and conducting myself as a cultivator at all times can I let go of fame, gain, and sentiment, improve myself, and do the three things (study the Fa [the teachings of Falun Dafa], send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and about the persecution to the world's people) well on the final path of cultivation and save sentient beings.

I deeply appreciate Master's benevolent salvation.