Dissolve Conflicts with Kindness

A few days ago I learned that two fellow practitioners had a misunderstanding between them. It reminded me of two incidents that I recently encountered. I would like to share them with fellow practitioners.

Recently, my brother called me, upset and angry that his son had not done well in an examination. He could not help but feel worried for his son because the college entrance exam was approaching. He had not slept well the night before, and woke up his son in the morning, criticizing him harshly.

I could not bear to listen to my brother's complaint, nor could I understand his irrational behaviour. I bombarded him with my comments, pointing out his mistakes and the consequences that I thought were sure to follow. I reminded him that usually his son does well on tests, and when there is an occasional mishap, a parent should talk to the child to analyze the causes so that the child can do better in the future; he should not have put extra pressure on his son.

Although I felt strongly that I was right, my brother still insisted on his own point of view. He could not convince me, and he hung up on me.

I immediately calmed down and realized that I had been rude. My brother had called me because he had hoped that I could help him sort things out and help him resolve the conflict but I lost control and was not rational.

I called my brother back immediately. I no longer spoke urgently, nor did I act in a superior way. I gently expressed my points and asked him to calm down to consider my advice. My brother stopped being angry and realized that his behaviour towards his son was not rational. We found a way to solve this problem.

A second incident also made a big impression on me.

I recently saw a small picture of Mao Zedong hanging in my husband's company car and I got angry about it. I asked the chauffeur and my husband who had hung the picture in the car, to which the chauffeur did not reply. My husband said that he could not see anything wrong with having a picture of the founding father of the country. This made me even angrier and I asked him if he thought that the picture of a dead man would bring him good luck. I urged him to throw the thing away but my husband told me to leave it alone and refused to take it down.

I gradually calmed down to analyzed my behaviour. My intentions were good but there was something wrong with the way I handled the situation. My husband is in a managerial position and he lost credibility when I criticized him in front of the chauffeur. He could not agree with me, even if he knew that I was right. I had not considered his feelings and he therefore could not change his mind. I instantly saw my shortcomings.

Two days later when I got to ride in my husband's company car again, I took the picture down and threw it into a lake. The chauffeur did not say anything, nor did husband get mad at me when he returned home.

I later bought another decorative item for the car and gave it to my husband. I told him, "This is a small present from me. I hope everything runs smoothly and peacefully for you every day." My husband was very pleased.

Through the two incidents I have seen my shortcomings in cultivation. I came to a new understanding of Teacher's words, "Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in spring." ("The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos" from Hong Yin).

Teacher said,
"I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears. I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanour. While working, your tone of voice, your kind heartedness, and your reasoning can change a person's heart, whereas commands never could! If others are not convinced deep down inside but only superficially comply, they will still conduct themselves according to their own will when no one is around to see them." ("Clearheadedness" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

Accordingly, I realized the importance of a kind and calm mind in a cultivator. It is capable of resolving conflicts and making sentient beings aware of a cultivator's kind thoughts and spring-like warmth, and with that we can melt the stubborn ice in people's hearts.