Improving Myself through Fa Study and Cultivation Practice; Eliminating Unrighteous Thoughts

I started practicing Falun Gong in 2006. Before I started practicing three and a half years ago, I suffered from many different illnesses, including neurosis, gynecological problems, mastitis, sinusitis, protrusion of the intervertebral disc, and heart palpitations. Now I am free from all illnesses. I have become a healthy and happy person. I would like to take this opportunity to express my immense gratitude and respect towards our revered Teacher.

In the past few years of cultivation practice, I have tasted pain, tribulations and joy from upgrading my xinxing (heart and mind nature, character) while feeling the difficulties and compassion Teacher must have experienced in saving me. On March 6 when I read an article titled, "Our Cultivation Path Broadens with Personal Improvement," from the Sixth Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China

(http://www.clearwisdom.net/html/articles/2009/11/21/112526.html), I felt I could relate to some of the author's experiences. I, too, would like to share some of the tribulations I have experienced at home and how I overcame them with fellow practitioners so that we can all upgrade our xinxing together.

Instigated by the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) hate propaganda against Falun Gong, my family members were opposed to the practice. As a result, I have met a lot of resistance at home. Moreover, I didn't study the Fa enough and didn't know to regard my family as a cultivation environment. For a long time I failed to upgrade my xinxing. As a result, I have somehow caused my family to say and do things that are disrespectful towards Falun Gong. I felt really anxious, yet helpless.

One day I was walking on the street when my husband suddenly came at me. He grabbed my hair and pulled me to the ground. "I will beat you to death! I must beat you to death!" he shouted. He punched and kicked me. Fortunately a neighbour heard him and pulled him away. I was not upset with him. I knew I must not fight back when verbally or physically attacked. I endured it all. However, the frequency of domestic violence increased over time. At one point, my legs became crooked and my body was bruised in many places. I even had black eyes. Neighbours protested for me, but I continued to endure the domestic violence. However, I feared and hated my husband. I wanted to fight back and I felt wronged. I thought, "I haven't done anything wrong. I did not commit any crime or violate any law. I am trying to become a better person by practicing Falun Gong. Why does my husband beat me up and insult me all the time? Why is he so unreasonable and menacing? Why does he pick on me all the time?" On the surface I knew I should look inward and cultivate my own heart. I know it is my fault if I, a Falun Gong practitioner, should bicker or fight with a non-practitioner. I know it is 100% my responsibility as a cultivator, but I didn't know what I had done wrong! I was blind to the root cause of these secular thoughts. In hindsight, I realized Teacher expounded on the Fa in this regard repeatedly in His Fa lectures, but I failed to enlighten to the Fa. I only knew that I had to eliminate my attachments to fear, vengeance, belligerence and the feeling of being wronged; but I couldn't identify the notion supporting these attachments.

As I studied the Fa and read articles written by fellow practitioners, I finally realized that it is never about who is in the right or who is in the wrong on the surface, but about the stubborn opinions I had formed about my husband. I had always regarded my husband as a wicked man who always curses at me and beats me up and who is fierce and unreasonable. I have always harboured these opinions, which in turn caused these tribulations for me. It was these negative opinions that made my husband the way he is. The more I insisted that he enjoyed foul language and violence and that he was wicked, the worse he became. In a way, I was expecting him to be such a person. I enlightened to the meaning of "the appearance stems from the mind."

Teacher said,
"These things will be provided as long as you fundamentally change your thinking, and it is not limited to just these." (Zhuan Falun)

I also enlightened to the meaning of cultivators carrying energy. Negative things we say, negative opinions we form about fellow practitioners, or a negative thought we carry will all have negative consequences on the target person even if we do not mean it. On the contrary, a positive thought will result in a positive outcome. Take our attitude towards fellow practitioners as an example. If we form an opinion that a fellow practitioner does not cultivate well, always dozes off during Fa study or always gossips, we will send negative energy towards him that will obstruct his cultivation practice or cause him to be arrested. Perhaps we should think of it from a different perspective. We are capable of observing only superficial symptoms of fellow practitioners' cultivation practice, but Teacher actually watches over them and sees the truth about their cultivation state. The Fa will rectify all their problems. Even when a fellow practitioner does have the attachments and loopholes we have noticed, we must not form opinions and we must not allow any evil factors from other dimensions to persecute him. When we do so, we are sending positive energy towards him and we are acting out of compassion. We must not judge any fellow practitioners on the surface and we must not criticize or comment on any fellow practitioner casually. We should cultivate our speech.

We should treat non-practitioners the same way. We should not judge people when we clarify the truth: "He is difficult to persuade." "He is so stubborn and will not listen." "This man is wicked." These thoughts will configure people as such. We would be unkind and adding negative thoughts to people. We should reverse our thoughts: All people have a kind nature. Every person in the world is a family member of Teacher. Every person comes from Heaven like us. They might have been lords and kings in Heaven before they degenerated and descended to the secular world. They might have been manipulated by the evil factors from other dimensions to act wicked, but that is not their true nature. Meanwhile, we should reinforce their knowing side and eliminate all the evil factors from other dimensions that might be manipulating them. By doing so we will be truly kind to people and be able to save people. I have also enlightened to the meaning of the following Fa.

Teacher said,
"[...] good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences." (Zhuan Falun)

While writing this article, I have developed a better understanding of many issues from the Fa. The process of writing the article has been a journey to upgrade my xinxing level. I would like to thank Teacher for His arrangements and fellow practitioners who have helped me during my cultivation practice.
Heshi