My Cultivation Experience

Hello everyone. My name is Christine Loftus. I’m a practitioner from Canada. I’m presently 22 and am a student at Brock University. I attained the Fa [Law and principles of Falun Gong] a little over four years ago at a health show. What first attracted me to Dafa was the sincerity and kindness of the practitioners. Little did I know what I had actually stumbled upon.

Over the course of my cultivation I have had the opportunity to write a few experience sharing articles for conferences. Now, when I think about the experiences that I shared in the past, I can see that I held back in sharing some things out of fear of what others would think of me. I also think that I may have shared things in a way that would make me look good. Today, I would like to share with you the things that I have learned and the mistakes that I have made. I don’t want to make it sound fancy or amazing. Today, I want to share my thoughts with you from my heart.

I recently went through a tough time in my cultivation. I think that, for a period of time I wasn’t a sincere practitioner. I guess you could say that I wasn’t really practising diligently because a practitioner is supposed to be constantly improving him/herself and I wasn’t doing that. I have to admit that I noticed I still had some attachments, and I hadn’t put out an effort to overcome them. This includes skipping the exercises when I was tired, not handing a flier to a Chinese person on the bus because everyone would look at me and saying I’ll catch up on my reading tomorrow because I’m not concentrating right now since I’m too sleepy, or I just have to finish this important Dafa work first. I can remember how I reacted before. When I realised that I had an attachment, I would try my best to overcome it and eliminate it. I just seemed to have gotten into a rut. I think that during our cultivation we do make mistakes, but we should learn from them, improve and do better the next time. It’s a serious problem though, if you realise that you are not doing well and that you are hurting others by making these mistakes, yet you don’t try to change the situation. This is what I went through.

In “Towards Consummation” Teacher says, “Studying the Fa with attachments is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator.”

During that time, I can say that I no longer felt the magnificence of Dafa in my heart, and I wasn’t thinking like a Dafa disciple. I had a lot of human notions interfering with me, which hindered me from doing some things. I seemed to have forgotten the power of Dafa. For example, I had a lot of negative thoughts about what was possible to do for Dafa and looked at some of the things that I was doing almost like it was a task instead of a sacred action for saving sentient beings.

On the surface, things probably seemed normal to other practitioners, because I was still “doing things,” but my heart was impure. Also, my heart was moved at times when I received some attention or recognition for things I did. I didn’t even realise what a problem this was, as it seemed like a part of me.

I’m happy to say that now, I’m overcoming these things. I think my biggest problem was that I wasn’t sincere enough. So, I did what I felt Teacher told us to do, that is, I “made my heart sincere.” I made a conscious decision to change, to diligently eliminate attachments when I came across them and to help Master to the best of my ability. I had to be willing to suffer and to change myself. This wasn’t something that happened overnight. It has been a gradual, but wonderful change from the heart. As a result, I began to feel much more clarity regarding the things that I need to do and how to do them. I feel more light-hearted and relaxed, yet I’ve been able to take on more Dafa work than I was able to handle before. I also feel a greater sense of confidence and determination with the things that I’m doing.

Recently, we had a very good discussion between some Chinese and Western practitioners about some issues regarding handing out fliers to Chinese delegations in front of the parliament buildings in Toronto. Some of the Chinese practitioners were rather persistent in their ways of distributing fliers to the Chinese people and the Westerners felt that it was not appropriate. The security officers at the park gave our practitioners a firm warning. As Westerners, we felt that it was important to explain to the Chinese practitioners what is appropriate to do in Canada. However, the Chinese practitioners were sincere in their efforts of clarifying the truth to the Chinese people with pure hearts, and I tended to overlook this, thinking that it was wrong to be so persistent. I didn’t realise that my heart toward the Chinese practitioners was not right, treating them almost as though they were beneath me regarding their understanding of this issue, because they didn’t grow up in Canada. Actually, what they were doing was the most sacred and greatest thing. I overlooked this because I was too caught up in following the rules. They do the exercises and hand out fliers outside all day no matter how hot or cold it gets. They endure the wind and rain. The Chinese delegations came all the way from China to have this opportunity to hear the truth. The Chinese practitioners didn’t want them to miss their chance, and I think it’s inappropriate for them to be too persistent? After one of the Chinese practitioners clearly pointed this out to me, I saw how incorrect my thinking was. Since what we are doing is the most sacred thing, shouldn’t the laws be changed for us? I think that this is more like the mind-set that we should have. I realised how much I let my western mentality of having to follow all rules very rigidly no matter what interfere with saving people. When I realised this point I also realised that I had let this attachment hinder me from doing other things in the past as well.

Recently, I read part of an experience-sharing article written about three years ago by a U.S. Dafa practitioner. The practitioner spoke about having the hiccups and wanting to get rid of them. She tried many methods, but couldn’t succeed. Finally, she said, “No pursuit, no intention” to herself. Then they disappeared. This simple little experience really helped me a lot. I realised how often I unconsciously do things with the intent of receiving a specific result. Taking things naturally seemed sort of foreign to me. I think it could be related to a lack of trust in Teacher’s arrangements for me or due to a strong attachment to attaining a specific outcome. Being able to have full trust and confidence in Teacher is true freedom.

The last thing that I would like to share is regarding the importance of always conducting ourselves in a righteous manner in every environment. A couple of weeks ago, when I was standing at the bus terminal waiting for my bus, an old friend tapped me on my back. I was rather surprised that he had recognised me from behind since I was wearing a big winter coat and a backpack, and I had had my hair cut since the last time I had seen him. I asked him how he knew it was me, and he told me that he had seen me from a distance from inside his bus when it drove by me to drop him off. Then, when he approached me, he saw a Falun Dafa button on my backpack, so he decided to take a chance and guess it was me. I immediately thought about what I had just been doing at that time. His explanation served as a reminder that we are often being watched even when we don’t realise it. Therefore, I think that our conduct is very important all the time. Even when we think no one is around, actually the whole universe is watching us, and Teacher wants us to win their admiration.

I think that it’s important that we are consistently setting a good example for Dafa when interacting with other people. Who really is that person who is watching you? I think that setting a good example includes doing a really good job at work, school, home and with family. I also think that it includes having a neat and tidy appearance and a proper and upright demeanour. I think it’s easy to forget about taking care of the little things when there are so many big and important projects to be done. I think if we neglect them, then they can set a bad example for others or even hinder our big and important projects from running smoothly. Teacher said: "you will leave energy on whatever you touch, and it will all be shining brightly."

I’m really glad I had the opportunity to share with you today at this Fa-conference. Thank you very much for your attention.