How I Fell from the Ranks of a Dafa Disciple and How I Managed to Get Back

Greetings, honorable Master. Greetings, fellow practitioners. 

My name is Terese and I am a Norwegian practitioner who has been cultivating since 2001.

Master said at Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference, “Whoever of you can “cultivate with the heart you once had” will definitely achieve Consummation.” I would like to share some experiences and insights regarding studying the Fa and some other relevant topics. Over the years, I have gained some hard-earned experience that I hope can help other practitioners.

Diligent and concentrated Fa study in the beginning

I obtained the Fa at a subway station in Oslo in 2001, and I learned the exercises and started to study the Dafa books after the summer. I jumped all in, studied about one chapter every day, did the five sets of exercises at least 6 days a week, and participated in Hong Fa activities. All because I felt that the Fa resonated deep within me, and that I had come home! It is difficult to explain, but I felt as if I was truly present in my body and that my main consciousness was very aware of all the thoughts I had.

After a while, I started having the same problem as with my academic studies. I read one or two pages, got very tired, and had to take a break. It was very difficult to study both the Fa and the curriculum. I was expected to read about 60 pages of the curriculum per day to keep up, but I could only manage about half. As a result, I failed an exam. With two weeks to go before the retake exam, I decided to finish reading one chapter of Zhuan Falun every day before opening the curriculum. The Fa was more important!

Just before that, I had learned some study techniques that, in short, involved forcing the brain to concentrate, i.e. reading a few pages quickly, stopping and writing down what I remembered without looking. In the beginning, I only read 1 to 2 paragraphs, but pondered for a long time before I could remember a small detail and could continue reading.

For the first 3 to 4 days, I spent about 12 hours to read a chapter in Zhuan Falun. I was a little anxious because I hadn’t even opened the curriculum, but I stuck to my decision to study a chapter in Zhuan Falun before starting on the curriculum. On the fifth day, I finished in half the time and was able to spend the rest of the day studying the curriculum. Around the seventh day, I spent just under two hours reading a chapter.

In addition, I saw many connections between what I had just read and something Master said in one of the other lectures. It was as if the Fa came alive and truly revealed itself to me. When I read the curriculum, I also saw many connections to other articles, and I got a very good grade on that exam. I understood that it is important to put the Fa first and to be focused and present when studying the Fa so that one can absorb the Fa.

How I fell from the ranks of a Dafa disciple

The Master said in Teachings at the First Conference in North America:

“When it finds that the Dafa you study is so virtuous and good, and that it [the thought-karma] will be eliminated, that karma will be afraid and try to stop you from studying and reading more.”

Gradually, without noticing it, I fell back into the same situation where I was not as focused when studying the Fa and quickly became tired. I might study one chapter every day, but I didn’t gain any new understandings, and eventually I couldn’t even remember what I had read. At group Fa study, I had to stand or walk around to stay awake. It came to a peak during the second Shen Yun in Oslo in 2010. And after Shen Yun was over that year, opening Zhuan Falun was really difficult, especially alone. I thought I needed a break. That break turned out to be several years.

Looking back, I see that I treated Fa study more as a task that had to be done, and it was not at the top of my list of priorities any longer. I focused more on Fa rectification activities as I developed an attachment to see quick results. In addition, I had a notion that I had to read an entire chapter in Zhuan Falun, otherwise it wasn’t good enough, and as a result, I eventually didn’t even try because each time it only confirmed that I was not capable. Looking inward I see that this was an attachment to shame and reputation for not even being able to study the Fa. Another notion was that I thought all the other practitioners were busy, so I couldn’t bother them with my problems. Now I realize that this created a strong attachment to fear. Both of these made it difficult to ask other practitioners for help. In retrospect, I think this is also some of the evil forces’ ways of dividing or pushing practitioners away from each other or out of the group so that we become weaker.

How I managed to come back

During this period, I studied the Fa a few times a year. Although I wanted to become a diligent practitioner again, I couldn’t. It was as if the entire universe didn’t want me to. What kept the door open was that some practitioners from Sweden and other countries contacted me from time to time, to ask how I was doing or to study the Fa with me for an hour. Master had not given up on me. After several years, I started doing the exercises at the practice site. A little later I teamed up with one other practitioner to study the Fa together every morning at a time that suited my situation. With a husband who was traveling on business for months and a child with special needs it was not easy for me to join physically or online Fa study groups regularly. I was so happy I could form a two person Fa study group.

For a long time, I had realized that I had fallen far behind in my cultivation, as my mind was preoccupied with the supposedly negative things happening around me. I understood that I needed to eliminate my negative thoughts. That process gained momentum when we started this two person Fa study group. At the same time, it was difficult because I was not focused, thinking about other things, my body was restless, and I couldn’t remember what I had just read. In other words, I was back to how I was before.

For a period of time, we read one paragraph and stopped to say what we remembered from that paragraph. This way, I had to cut out all other thoughts about my to-do lists and so on. I handled it like when you get a thought while meditating. I discovered that I could force my brain to pay attention. My concentration increased rapidly, and with it came new insights, and we were able to go back to reading more normally without stopping after each paragraph.

Master said in Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference:

“It is thus primarily students who haven’t been very diligent, who don’t study the Fa frequently, or whose minds are elsewhere while studying Fa who have been interfered with the most and persecuted the worst.”

The important thing, as I understand it now, is that I study the Fa as much as possible and that I am focused when I study the Fa, so that I can absorb and assimilate to the Fa. In this way, the main consciousness is present, and then it is also the main consciousness that receives the Fa. If one dozes off and does not pay attention, then I understand that it is the assistant consciousness that receives the Fa. 

Helping with Shen Yun promotion

Since coming back to the Fa and being able to study the Fa almost every day, I have also participated in the activities for promoting Shen Yun in Bergen this spring. It has been fulfilling, given many opportunities to help Master save sentient beings and given many opportunities for improving and letting go of attachments. 

I felt that the Dafa group in Norway cooperated very well. In one such conversation, one practitioner asked me about some wording in an email that was to be sent out, and I thought the problem was insignificant. After reflecting on that conversation, I realized that the last time Shen Yun was in Norway, I had been so afraid of not doing everything perfect, not choosing good enough clothes to wear and not talking intellectually perfect, that I ended up being anxious and my heart was more concerned with how I would be perceived than about saving them. Now I understood that it was the attachment to reputation, which in essence is egoism.

To my understanding what is most important for people in the mainstream as well as everyday people is if they can feel that we really care about them. I still think we need to put on clean clothes relevant to the situation, and we still need to be prepared with what to talk about, but the most important thing is that we are sincere and have compassion in our heart.

I also understood that we need to have righteous thoughts, in the sense that we should be aware of our thoughts and eliminate negative thoughts as soon as they show up. Shortly after we had arrived at one of the most high-end shopping malls in Bergen to hand out leaflets, I got a test. Some young men, around 18 years old, came, and one of them took a leaflet, but threw it on the floor right in front of me. I got the feeling that he did it to provoke me. For one second, I had a negative thought toward him, but then I picked up the leaflet and felt sorry for him, as he had made a bad choice for himself. The next second, I thought that I do hope all who are destined to see Shen Yun will come to the mall to get a leaflet from us.

Several negative thoughts surfaced, such as irritation of what one practitioner did at the stand, and complaining thoughts of how one practitioner was dressed. Nothing they did was very serious, and changing clothes might not have been possible right then and there. I thought that if I let such negative thoughts remain in my dimensional field while we were at the stand, it would attract evil forces. I actively eliminated those negative thoughts and started looking for the positive in these practitioners. One of them radiated positivity, and I saw her having long conversations with several people. My understanding is that we must try to support each other and remove all negative thoughts when we are at the stand.

I believe that having let go of the attachment to reputation and actively eliminating negative thoughts made me relaxed so that my compassion could surface. Because of this I managed to have many longer conversations with wonderful people at the stand.

My attachment to reputation became visible in yet another setting. One day, I was asked to call different malls in Bergen to inquire if we could have a stand there. I hesitated, as I have not been comfortable doing such tasks before due to thinking too much on how they would perceive me, and the fear of getting a negative response. However, this time I realized that there may not be anyone else who had the time to do so, and I was thinking about the many people who may lose their chance to see Shen Yun if we did not get a stand. I also realized that this fear and the attachment to reputation is very egoistic. It is only thinking about me, me, me, and not about all those who have not been saved yet. So, I decided to make those calls. Another practitioner had sent an email to the person some days earlier and I called to follow up. It was not easy, I had to prepare myself mentally as well as practically of what to say, and after thinking about the bigger picture I became more relaxed. Several of the conversations went well. I got to explain a little about what Shen Yun was and some were very happy to offer us a free stand at their mall. 

The road ahead

Now I am working to really break through, so that I can study the Fa more diligently on my own as well. Evil thoughts such as “I’m too tired” or “I’ll just relax a little bit with some social media” are destructive and often lead to much more time being wasted. I know that I also have several other attachments that I have not been able to let go of completely, but I feel that I am moving forward.

I understand now Fa study is the foundation of cultivation, it is important to ensure that it is done every day. Not being able to focus during Fa study was the main reason I fell, and for me, the two-person group Fa study was at large the reason I was able to come back.

My own experience is that there may be many evil forces and attachments that will hinder and disrupt practitioners and all the Fa rectification activities we do. Fa study, where we truly manage to absorb the Fa, helps us to always have righteous thoughts and will prevent disruptions. This is my hard-earned experience, and I hope no one else ends up in the same situation.

I am immensely grateful that Master did not give up on me, and I will do my utmost to cultivate well and fulfill my promise in the time that remains.

Finally, I want to end with Master’s quote from Fa Teaching Given at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Practitioners in 2004: 

“When it comes to Fa study, though, I think you still need to squeeze in time for study, even if it means for a little while only. But when you squeeze in time for study, there is a problem that’s apt to come up: you can’t calm your mind, and if you can’t calm your mind, you’re in fact studying in vain and wasting time. If you’re going to study, you need to set aside everything else that’s on your mind, keep your mind steady, quiet your mind, and truly study. Even if you just study a few paragraphs [this way], it’s better than reading the entire book with a restless mind. When you study the Fa, you have to absorb it.” 

This sharing is my personal understanding at my current level. Please point out if there’s anything not in accordance with the Fa.

Thank you, honorable Master. Thank you, dear fellow practitioners.

(This article was presented at the 2025 Nordic Fa-Conference)