Eliminating My Fundamental Attachment

The day before yesterday I read Minghui Weekly (a posting for a Falun Dafa related website, Minghui). Included were articles about fellow practitioners talking about eliminating their fundamental attachments. After reading, I thought back and forth about what my fundamental attachment was. I had thought about this issue before but I always thought that when I started to practise Falun Gong, I did not have any particular reasons for wanting to practise Falun Gong. My sister told me that Falun Gong is very good and is beneficial for people. I then just naturally started to practise. I had not been able to discover my fundamental attachment.

Yesterday some thing made me think about this issue again. A fellow practitioner (who is attached to fame, profit and career and still can not let go of attachments after being reminded several times) came to my home yesterday to pick up Master's¹ new scripture. When she came into my home I could see that she had put on her make-up carefully and it seemed that she was going out for something special. Because she was very busy at work during the week, she barely had time to do the three things. Yesterday was part of the weekend and I was thinking that she should use her time to read Falun Gong books and do the exercises but I did not expect that she would rearrange her schedule for this. Because she was eager to leave, I did not say anything to her.

After she was gone, I felt that my mind was disturbed and my thoughts were confused but I could not figure out what kind of mood I was in. I felt that my condition was not right and I looked inside, "What kind of mind do I have? Am I anxious for her because she is not valuing her time? Am I hoping she will be diligent?" I thought and thought. I realised that I had these thoughts, but that was not all. If that was all, I should have a compassionate mentality hoping that she will be diligent. But I felt that my mentality was not that way. I kept on digging into my mind to see what other attachments I had, "Do I envy her? No. I have obtained Falun Dafa and I am not attached to the kind of things that ordinary people pursue. Am I jealous? No. Then what kind of attachment is it?" I still could not figure it out. Then I stopped thinking and started to study the Fa¹ with a peaceful mind. This morning when I did the sitting meditation, my mind became tranquil as soon as I finished the first strengthening position. (Usually my mind is difficult to still)

My mind was very clear and my thoughts were very pure. I suddenly figured out my fundamental attachment: "I have used Falun Dafa as a big "chip" to balance my mind among ordinary people!" I was astounded: "I have been treating such a holy practice as a thing that ordinary people have and the only difference was that I weighed Falun Dafa very heavily in my mind." When I saw clearly such a dirty attachment hidden in the depths of my mind, tears gushed forth and I felt that I was so ashamed. In my daily life, this fundamental attachment shows up. When I hear about other people gaining something, I think that since I have obtained Falun Dafa, those "gains" were of no use to me, and that I am not attached to such things. When I heard others making advances in their careers, I would think, "What's the use? I'm not attached to that because I've obtained Falun Dafa." I thought I was diligently cultivating myself and I was not attached to anything. Now I understand that I was haggling with an ordinary mentality, using Falun Dafa to keep the balance weighing in my favour. The truth is, I did not really understand the issue based on the Fa and I did not really elevate myself.

After I have figured out my fundamental attachment, my mind was clear. Now I better understand the complicated mentality I had after the practitioner I spoke about above left. I was anxious for her because of her lack of diligence, but I was also jealous of her. The jealousy was hidden by my fundamental attachment.

I understand why I have not been able to discard my jealousy and have come to understand that many of my attachments have not been recognised and discarded because they had been hidden by my fundamental attachment.

I now realise that I should not be moved by whatever I hear because we do not pursue any gains in this world. If I am disturbed, it means that some attachment is showing up and the attachment should be understood and discarded.

I am sincerely grateful to Master. I know that it was with Master's merciful help that I was able to find my fundamental attachment. Only with diligent cultivation and doing the three things well can we be worthy of Master's benevolent salvation.

Note:

1. Master/Teacher: Respectfully referring to the founder of the practice, Mr. Li Hongzhi.
2. Fa: Law or principle; the teachings in Falun Gong.