My Relationship with My Mother-in-Law

Our family environment is also a cultivation environment, a path that we must walk. Master Li said,

"The path each person is to take is different, because each person’s foundation is different, the sizes of their various attachments are different, the characteristics of their beings are different, their jobs among everyday people are different, their family environments are different, and so on." ("Path", Essentials for Further Advancement II)

Looking back at my path over the past few years, I felt embarrassed to face Master and Falun Dafa because I didn’t balance well the relationship with my mother-in-law. I couldn’t control my xinxing - character- and so I failed to treat the issue as a cultivator every time a conflict arose. Rather, I tolerated with tears in my eyes like a regular person. I didn’t thank my mother-in-law in my heart for helping me raise my xinxing. Instead, I developed many attachments.

As Master said,

"Of course, as you go about cultivating, you--who are cultivators--are sure to meet with tests, for you need to elevate. When someone doesn't handle things well, troubles will constantly arise. But those who do handle things well will constantly meet with tests as they cultivate. If you categorically regard all of them as interference and try to resolve the troubles just for the sake of resolving them, then you won't be able to resolve them, because they come about for the sake of your improvement." ("Teaching the Fa in Canada", 2006)

Having lived with my mother-in-law for twenty years, I regarded her as a selfish, unreasonable, and jealous person. This notion obstructed my cultivation like a big mountain in my path.

We live in a business building. We own a salon and sell cosmetics and skincare products. I manage the entire business by myself. I also cook, clean and do laundry. I can only study the Fa -Falun Gong teachings- and do the exercises late at night or in the early morning, so I’m extremely busy day in and day out.

My mother-in-law is 78 years old. I had helped her to study the Fa before July of 1999, but she stopped practicing after the persecution began. She is generally healthy except for some back and leg pain. No matter how busy and tired I was, she never showed any concern for me. Even when I was exhausted, she never offered to help me out.

I was somewhat upset in my heart. Sometimes, I couldn’t help venting my complaints to my friends. My friends would respond by criticizing my mother-in-law and telling me how to deal with her. As a cultivator, I immediately realized that I was wrong to think this way. Master’s Fa appeared before my mind,

"Unless danger threatens your life and you are told how to eliminate it, all those who tell you that you will have a tribulation today and how to avoid something about to occur, those who tell you the first-prize lottery ticket number and tell you to try it, and those who want to have you obtain good things in ordinary human society, are demons. If you always get your way among everyday people and cannot pass this test, you will not make progress. If you live very well among everyday people, how can you practice cultivation? How can your karma be transformed? How will you have an environment to upgrade your xinxing and transform your karma?" (Zhuan Falun)

I talked to fellow practitioners about this, and they advised me to be more forbearing and understanding, and to improve my xinxing. So I constantly looked inward and shed my attachments. Thus, my xinxing improved.

Master said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles" on February 25, 2006, "No one can criticize them, and when someone does, it sets them off." Once I was truly set off. Here is my experience:

My mother-in-law has the front bedroom, the brightest one in our apartment. Outside her room is our business counter. I bought three advertising posters a few days ago during my mother-in-law’s visit to her daughter, and put them up on her bedroom window. Her bedroom got a little darker as a result, but with daylight from the other window, her bedroom was still considerably brighter than mine.

As I put the posters up I thought, "Mother-in-law won’t allow this when she comes back." My one thought decided the result. Indeed, the next day when my mother-in-law came home, she ordered my husband to take them down, saying some harsh things in the meantime. My husband tried to find somewhere else to put the posters, but couldn’t. So he had to put them back up on the uppermost part of the window. However, one could not see them unless one raises his head and looks up.

I could no longer forbear upon seeing this. I argued, "We have to manage the business. We don’t have the financial means to always be comfortable. Why not make do? Didn’t I put the posters up for the family, for the business?" But my mother-in-law didn’t respond to my words in a rational way and even made it impossible for me to explain. In anger I tore the poster that hadn’t been put up into pieces. I felt wronged, with tears streaming down my face.

Actually I was already at an ordinary person’s level.

Master’s Fa came back to me,

"Remember, what is for human beings conventional wisdom is inverted. So when you encounter troublesome things as you cultivate, don't regard them all as problems, as interference to your rightful tasks, or as attacks against those tasks, or think, "This thing I'm doing is of utmost importance, that thing I'm doing is of utmost importance..." Many things might not truly be how you see them, in fact. Your true improvement will always be first and foremost, and the consummation of your cultivation is always first and foremost." ("Teaching the Fa in Canada. 2006")

I went to find a fellow practitioner, and we shared our understandings for about two hours. Thanks to the practitioner’s help, I realized that although I didn’t pass this test, I had found many attachments of mine: attachments of complaining, competition, feeling wronged, and anger. I sent righteous thoughts after I returned home to negate these bad thoughts. Then I tried to let go of these attachments, strengthen my righteous thoughts, and study the Fa more. I no longer argue with my mother-in-law when a problem comes up. Now we can get along very well and she doesn’t find fault with me like she did before.

My job is an even better cultivation environment. I come in contact with many people with this salon service. I will use this environment to cultivate myself well. As Master said,

"Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy—this is establishing the mighty virtue of an Enlightened Being." ("Rationality", Essentials for Further Advancement II)