My Shallow Understanding of "Being Modest"

Whenever I have seen another practitioner acting self important, thinking highly of him or herself, or accusing others, I felt extremely uncomfortable, and thought that the practitioner was not modest enough.

Then I asked myself, "Am I truly being modest? Why was I not happy? Why was I angry at the behaviour of other practitioners?"

Searching within, I found that it was because I liked the properness of "being modest," and I preferred a modest demeanour that was controlling and low-key. In fact, I was not modest myself.

For example, if someone complimented me, I would blurt out, "I am not good enough." As a matter of fact, my saying "I am not good enough" was just a formality. The real thought behind it was, "I am pretty good."

Another time when a fellow practitioner told me that articles needed to be written, and asked me to take on that responsibility, I immediately said, "I am not good enough." I didn't even think before I said it. I said it completely out of habit in order to appear to be modest. I thought, "For such an important task, how can I not behave a little modestly." In fact, the real thought behind my seeming hesitancy was, "I am pretty sure I can do it." I even felt complacent about being given such an important task.

At times I was being modest because I was not confident, and I was lowering myself. As a Dafa practitioner, it was lack of confidence in Teacher and in the" Fa."

In the past, I always said that So-and-So had attachments or So-and-So liked to cover things up. But I never thought that I also liked to cover things up and that my cover-ups were so "polished" they were not easily noticed.

It was only because I was not truly modest myself that I had such strong thoughts and emotions when I saw a fellow practitioner thinking highly of him or herself.

I realize that the characteristic of modesty embodies Truth-Compassion-Forbearance. Only a merciful, peaceful, and forgiving practitioner can truly have modesty in his or her heart. No matter what the situation is--be it being praised or accused, be it doing a good job or a poor one--he or she can treat it with a peaceful and open attitude, without having his or her heart affected.

It is because you have attachments that you are not modest. When your mind is occupied with the mentality of showing-off, jealousy, and hostility, how can you be modest?

Hence a practitioner must be modest. An aspiring practitioner should become more and more modest.

Please kindly point out to me anything incorrect . Thank you.