My Cultivation

During the ten years of the ongoing persecution of Falun Gong, I have sometimes been diligent and sometimes lazy. In these ten years, practitioners in China have constantly been maturing while resisting the persecution in the process of the Fa-rectification. I have a great deal of experiences and have really felt Master pushing and helping us to improve.

One thing I experienced was escaping sentimentality. Through cultivation, I feel that sentimentality is the biggest interference for woman practitioners. Women care about and are very attached to sentimentality, especially those who have families. Without realizing it, her relationship to her family becomes her whole life. The demon of sentimentality has already deeply rooted itself in the bones of many people. Once amidst a tribulation, it's difficult to overcome it.

Before cultivation, I was never satisfied with my marriage and always harbored grievance and resentment. Although the situation improved after I began to cultivate, I still did not look within and give up sentimentality. Grievance and resentment still surfaced. I always felt my husband was not good enough, and I was not satisfied with him. I didn't integrate my Fa study with my cultivation. When any issue arose, I always used human reasoning to deal with it and bore it with a human mindset. Because my fundamental problem was not solved, I suffered constant tribulations for two years. My family was a mess due to my own problems creating conflicts within the family.

Merciful Master noticed that I couldn't pass the tribulations, so one day when I was practicing the exercises in the morning, a thought just came to me: "A cultivator should escape the issues of ordinary society. We can simply treat and view the family's things as other people's things."

Sometimes I was not even as good as an everyday person. In the face of Master's mercy, I felt very ashamed. I also suddenly realized that in so many years I had not relinquished sentimentality nor other attachments.
After that tribulation, I tried to calm down and look within. Was I a real Dafa disciple? Did I really believe in Master and the Fa? Actually I didn't study the Fa enough, I didn't follow the Fa-rectification and I felt complacent while being attached to human things. My situation was very dangerous. I didn't give up many human beings' attachments. I didn't give up reputation or sentimentality, and I didn't even recognize which attachments originated from sentimentality. Through Master's enlightenment I realized that practitioners should use divine thoughts! Subsequently I raised my understanding based on the Fa, and my whole family situation changed for the better.

I also experienced ridding myself of fame and jealousy. Before retirement, I was in charge of an enterprise. In all my years of work, from the enterprise's establishment to its success, I pursued fame. At work I cared very much what other people thought of me. Fame was a big part of my life. For over 30 years I fought for power and enjoyed surpassing others. Behind the attachments to fame and self-interest, there was also a vanity, competitiveness, showing off, strong jealousy, and greed. All these notions became a part of me without my even realizing it.

In the process of cultivation I've experienced that it's very hard to get rid of the attachments to fame, self-interest, vanity, the competitiveness, and showing off. All of those everyday people's attachments have created a lot of karma and interfered with me quite a lot. I could never practice the exercises with a calm mind. The showing off mentality, attachment to fame, self-interest, and other attachments always surfaced unknowingly whenever I did anything.

"What is human? Sentiments and desires fill the body.
What is immortal? Human mentalities do not exist.
What is Buddha? Benevolence and virtue in abundance.
What is Dao? A pure and tranquil true being."
("Distinction Between Human and Enlightened Beings" from
Hong Yin)

After I memorized this poem, I realized how long it had been that I failed to give up the attachments to fame and profit due to my own selfishness. I considered myself first whenever I encountered problems. When encountering problems, everyday people first consider whether or not they'll lose something of their own. The attachment to greed is the most demonic and so many everyday people are destroyed because of it. Cultivators must get rid of it! For example, whenever I drove my car I often cut off other drivers. I felt as though I could drive fast and quite well and regarded others are stupid. I also felt uncomfortable whenever I saw other people's good cars. Through studying the Fa, I understood that it's actually taking advantage of others whenever I cut them off. Everything can reflect my own impatience, show off mentality, jealousy, competitiveness, etc. I need to continue studying the Fa, continue getting rid of various attachments, use the Fa to judge every thought, and use the Fa to rectify my actions.

Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples cultivate amidst everyday people, and each of our thoughts should be based on the Fa. Dafa disciples have a mission to cultivate well and clarify the truth to save people. It is not to live well amidst everyday people while enjoying the advantages Dafa has blessed us with. Through studying the Fa I really understand that everything in the human dimension is falsely manifested.

During the process of the Fa-rectification, after the books the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party were published, I was not willing to and did not want to read them. I didn't realize that there was so much demonic interference in my own dimensional field. It affected my clarifying the facts and saving sentient beings. I didn't do well in explaining the truth, and my thinking was not rational when I tried to help people to quit the Party. Through reading Minghui/Clearwisdom articles and listening to other practitioners' sharing, I realized that I hadn't done well at studying the Fa, reading the Nine Commentaries, or sent righteous thoughts to eliminate evil. The demonic communist factors were not dissolved in my dimension. My field was not clean, and those communist factors interfered with my saving people. I couldn't clarify the truth well or save many sentient beings.

Having realized my shortcomings, I will increase my Fa study and systematically read Nine Commentaries and Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party. Moreover I'll send forth righteous thoughts more to eliminate all demonic factors in my dimensional field.

In addition, the demon of sleep must be eliminated straight away. I enlightened that feeling sleepy can also be a demon. It can interfere and prevent one from waking up, prevent one from studying the Fa well, and leave less time to do the things Dafa disciples should do.