Following Higher Requirements of Self-Restraint and Tolerance in a Marriage

Yesterday my husband told me, "These sheets are poor quality. They are full of static electricity." I took a look at them and I knew that he had bought the sheets. I replied right away, "I told you that you do not know how to buy things. You did not agree with me. You see, the ones I bought for the same price are still good." Later I realized that my words exposed so many human attachments: criticizing others, looking down on others, resentment, self interest, zealotry, showing off, etc.

Recently, I often spoke to him like that. I did not notice that I was only expecting him to cultivate instead of cultivating myself. When things happened, I first noticed his faults. If he argued with me, I would ask him to look inward. I was focusing on his problems. I always wanted to supervise him. In my mind, nothing he does is good enough.

Afterwards, I realize that I am not right either. I should not treat him that way. But when things happen, I forget. I start to criticize him when he does something I do not like. I even get angry, even though I am regretful afterward. Remembering a past period of personal cultivation, I could always look inwards and was strict with myself when things happened. The environment at home was harmonious. We, as husband and wife, had a good relationship.

Why do I lack self-restraint lately? I think the reason that I cannot handle the relationship between husband and wife properly is my attachment to sentimentality. I put the husband and wife relationship first and put our relationship as fellow practitioners second. Since he is my husband, I feel that I can say whatever I want and do whatever I want without any restriction, just like an everyday person. We fight with each other and cannot form one body.

Looking inwards, I found my attachments to selfishness, seeking comfort, and human notions. I believed the old saying, "The man works outside, and the woman does the housework," is right. A husband should work outside and make sure we as a family have enough money to live. But my husband was illegally arrested by the authorities and was detained for many years. I had to work hard to make a living and take care of the children and our elderly parents. I felt that I had to suffer much hardship. I knew this was caused by the evil CCP, but when the attachment to seeking comfort surfaced, or when we had financial difficulties, I would get angry at him. I felt I deserved a lot, since I worked hard and sacrificed a lot for the family. I expected rewards. So I often used "The man works outside, and the woman does the housework" to criticize him. I thought he should do more and sacrifice more for the family to ease my burden so that I could be more comfortable.

Although the old saying, "The man works outside, and the woman does the housework" may be good for everyday people, we as practitioners cannot be limited by this notion.

We need to measure ourselves with the standard of Fa.

Master said,
"But being a practitioner is a higher thing. So as a higher person you have to hold yourself to higher laws and higher logic. You can't evaluate things with the reasoning of ordinary people or with ordinary laws." (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

Compared with Master's requirements, I really felt ashamed. I am using human notions to cover my human attachments. Isn't this the act of an everyday person?

There were several reasons for this: When I spent less time studying the Fa, human notions predominated. Also, the Party culture has influenced me. Modern women are strong and lack femininity. In ancient times, husbands and wives respected each other, and the standard is even higher for us as Dafa practitioners. Master told us that we should study the Fa more. To understand the principles of the Fa, I need to study the Fa more, be strict with myself, and treat my husband as a fellow practitioner. I should measure myself with the standard of Fa, consider others in any situation, and look inwards if there is an issue. I need to be tolerant, acknowledge his strengths, and point out his shortcomings with a kind heart. We must become one body and do the three things well (study the Fa [the teachings of Falun Dafa], send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and about the persecution to the world's people).

If your husband or wife is also a practitioner, you both need to be examine your notions and behavior towards one another and become more self-restrained. I hope couples who practice Falun Dafa realize this.