On Looking Inside When Faced with Criticism

I've recently fallen into struggles at home and at work. First I had a clash with my husband, who is also a practitioner. He had always been someone of high virtue and esteem in my eyes, but recently I felt that his words were beyond comprehension. If he wasn't criticizing me about the meals I prepared, he'd be harshly chewing me out about my shortcomings. When he was working on a Fa validation project and I didn't express cooperation, he would fly into rage after a brief and insignificant exchange. During a clash, I, too, would start to lose my temper. I said to him, "You just don't search inward in order to improve. How can you do well when you ignore one of the two factors for improving gong?" When conflicts arise, when you can't guard your xinxing (heart and mind nature, character), you will search outward to find the other person at fault. I thought, "Why can't he accept criticism from others?" I thought that I would never have had this issue. No matter who criticizes me, I would never lose my temper.

From studying the Fa, I understand that if I am in a conflict with someone, I must always search myself. Even when I see the shortcomings of the other person, I also have to search myself. I should consider whether I may have the same attachment! When I really calmed down and searched myself, I found I had a very deep attachment to rejecting criticism, something that I hadn't even noticed before. Subconsciously I had always thought that since I worked every day and then at home I had to cook and clean, there was no reason for my husband to criticize me. Whenever I hear the slightest criticism (even though it really was meant to kindly point out my shortcomings, which would help my cultivation), my heart becomes uneasy and my resentment of even his tone quickly flares up. In reality the root of the problem was within me.

We are both cultivators, and soon he would also calm down, realize the problems of affection and our faults. I laughed, "Teacher once said: 'I know that with this process it is possible you won't do well the moment you step out the door, but don't lose heart. Master knows that as you go about cultivating you will, in the end, manage to do well. These are just things that happen in the cultivation process. But, you mustn't let yourself slack off.' ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan") We just have to make greater efforts."

After this situation subsided, while at my job, a co-worker also displayed displeasure towards me. I had helped this employee earlier on a task she was originally responsible for. So later on when there was work, I'd proactively do it while she sat around playing computer games. My heart was again troubled. Today I suggested a way she could do this project more efficiently. She immediately replied that I should do it myself. I realized I should immediately search myself. I found that at work I also have a tendency to not let others speak and to think very highly of myself. Also, at times, I am not strict with myself; when there is gossip, although I never say anything, I form opinions about others. As a cultivator, I understand that, among ordinary people, who was nice to whom and who was bad to whom is all preordained by karmic relationships. Why would I still be confused by such idle talk and form these opinions? After I corrected my thoughts, that co-worker's expression immediately cleared up. Everything became calm again.

Teacher said during "Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting," "Cultivation is about reforming yourself, and things are indeed as I've described." Upon encountering anything we're discontent with, dissatisfied with, we must always search inward and change ourselves. If we manage to do that, all conflicts will be resolved and everything in our environment will be changed.