Some Thoughts on Searching Inwards

After reading Teaching's lecture "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan," I was very excited and happy. It made me feel like a lost child who has just found a familiar road sign. Layer upon layer of fog in front of me cleared up, and knots in my mind were untangled. I had already known how to walk my path. Everything was in a benign circle. However, I was stuck on one thing and had not had a breakthrough in a while. Whenever I heard the alarm clock ringing, I would not get up right away, and fell asleep again in a few seconds. I also felt sleepy while studying the Fa. When I paid attention to this, I would feel better for a couple days. However, I would go back to my old ways a few days later. Sometimes I would not even hear the alarm. When I shared my experience with other practitioners, it seemed that many practitioners had similar issues. Some of their issues are serious and some not so serious. Perhaps everyone's situation is different. I always felt it was not right.

One day, I met Practitioner A and was surprised by her good status. She sleeps hardly at all, but she does not feel sleepy while studying the Fa or sending righteous thoughts. When she occasionally feels sleepy, she only takes a short nap. I asked her, "Don't you feel sleepy at night on so little sleep?" She said, "If the evil is in front of you, could you fall asleep? If you see many people are in floodwater and are about drown, could you fall asleep? I see that many practitioners do not make any breakthroughs regarding sending righteous thoughts during the night, so I send righteous thoughts more and sleep less at night."

The reason that I did not progress was that my cultivation still had not reached the standard. Even the average person knows that "money cannot buy time.. Teacher keeps reminding us that our cultivation time is limited. Actually, every practitioner was saved from hell by Teacher. In the old cosmos, selfishness is a stubborn attachment for every practitioner. We cannot simply talk about assimilating to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Only by meeting the criteria can we ascend. The chance to cultivate is open to every practitioner. It is up to us to grab that chance. I saw my shortcomings. I had gotten into a bad habit of enjoying stretching my back and my legs and continuing to sleep. I saw it was a desire and a reflection of selfishness. I was afraid of hardship. I did not jump out of the old cosmos. It seemed to be trivial, but such slacking off was being irresponsible to myself, showing that I did not treasure this cultivation opportunity. The old forces just took advantage of my loophole. I felt sleepy while studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts. What could I do? Of course, I must change. Could I change as I said I would? It is hard to change if one is not determined. The reason is that evil substances and factors in other dimensions are lurking beneath the surface. They had to be cleared away while I sent righteous thoughts. But they would come back a while later, which really frustrated me. It is because I still have attachments.

Some time ago, a person from the neighborhood committee told me that the 610 Office wanted me to show up for a talk. I was not calm and retorted, "I will not go. I have nothing to communicate with them about." My response was abrupt, without compassion. Finally, agents from the 610 Office came to my home. One can imagine what kind of talk we had. I found my attachment to fighting, which had been engendered by the influence of the CCP culture. Another bad habit was that I did not think before I spoke. When I shared my experiences with fellow practitioners and talked about Falun Gong with officials from all levels of the government, I often kept on talking and had the attachment of wanting to hear good feedback. When I searched inwards, I also found that I had a very strong attachment of jealousy, which shocked me.

I have cultivated for more than ten years. It seems that I have just now started searching inwards although I had done it before. Regarding the practitioner I mentioned above, other practitioners often said that she had done very well in cultivation. At that time, I kept silent, but I was not impressed. Although I did not say it, I was always critical of her. If I do not truly search inwards, it is hard to find out that it is actually jealousy, combined with the attachment of fighting. I have also discovered many of my attachments, such as hatred, doubt, and lust. All of those habits I developed in human society seem to be trivial. However, I definitely have to make big efforts to get rid of them. And I have to cultivate with my heart.

When I wrote this article, I did not feel sleepy at all. I know it is Master who helped me remove those substances that make us sleepy, "Because cultivation depends on one's own efforts while the transformation of gong is done by the master"(Zhuan Falun) When we are truly determined to cultivate, Master will help us. When the overall environment is better, if the evil is still so rampant, the reason must be that we have loopholes that the evil can take advantage of. When facing tribulations, we must calm down and discover our loopholes. We should do well whenever there is a part that we need to cultivate.

Due to the limitation of my level, what I enlightened to may not be correct. I just feel that I cannot let up even though I am a veteran practitioner. The three things we are doing are the most sacred in the cosmos. It is the best opportunity that Master has given us to build our mighty virtue.