Caltivation of a new practitioner

I have been practicing Falun Dafa now for almost two years and really feel that this practice is indescribably great and I’m very honoured that I may assist Master (the founder of Falun Gong, Li Hongzhi) in the Fa-rectification.
A few years ago, before I practiced Falun Gong, I felt very sad and hopeless because I didn’t know what I was doing here on Earth or why people needed to die. I often cried at night when I was alone and when I thought of these terrifying things. I asked God and beings in heaven for answers. Soon after this period of time, my family and I obtained the Fa (the way) and suddenly I had the answers to all my questions. I now understand many things that have happened to me throughout the course of my life. During whole my childhood and puberty, I was often confronted with girls and boys who bullied me and got mad at me. I was always very scared and didn’t dare to do anything back to them. These incidents formed a big attachment to fear and my low self-confidence.
This attachment to fear is one of my largest attachments. I often feel interference because of this. This fear tries to stop me from doing what I really want to do. It sometimes tries to stop me when I want to clarify the truth to people. Last year, when I was to interview the audience during the Gala, it was like a wall that stopped me from doing this important work. I felt very uncomfortable because the fear was so strong. Now I discovered that this attachment to fear is actually very selfish and not at all compassionate. It is a kind of fear from being rejected or to be laughed at or to save face. Thus, it is an attachment to self.
When I discovered that my fear was not only a problem that effect’s me but also stops me from saving sentient beings, I began to work hard on eliminating it. If I go along with this fear, I am not thinking of others first, but rather thinking of myself. This is not how cultivators should be. When the fear is very strong and when it blocks me completely, I feel very sad and irresponsible towards Master and the many people that need to be saved.
Master explains in ‘Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World’s People’, “For a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, personal liberation is not the goal of cultivation: when you came, saving sentient beings was your great aspiration, and that is the responsibility and mission history has bestowed upon you in Fa-rectification. Thus great numbers of beings are to be saved by you. Dafa disciples, don't forsake the magnificent responsibility that has been bestowed upon you in Fa-rectification, and even less should you disappoint those beings, as you are now their only hope for entering the future.” (Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World’s People, Li Hongzhi, September 1, 2004)
I feel it’s important to purify myself and eliminate all these bad factors that try to stop me. Every time when I send forth righteous thoughts, I eliminate my bad notions, bad thoughts, and all the old forces that take advantage of this loophole. I feel that if I don’t acknowledge this interference, and if I put myself above this, it helps me to eliminate it. I try to just do the things that need to be done and to not think of myself. I want to think of others first.
When the human notions are at play, it helps me to become clear if I think: “How should my divine side handle this?” and “You have come to this world to assist Master with saving sentient beings. How could you think about yourself and your human notions and attachments? Hurry up to abandon them as soon as possible and don’t lose more time.”
For example, the issue of NTDTV-Eutelsat is very important. To talk to people with high position (VIP) is something that can make me very scared if I go along with the old forces that try to stop me. The fear makes my stomach and lungs draw together, indicating that it is a deeply rooted attachment. When there was a need for practitioners to help in clarifying the facts to these MPs, I didn’t think of myself, but used this as a great opportunity to get rid of my fear. When I was there and it was my turn to talk to MEPs, I felt very uncomfortable and there seamed to be a wall before me all the time. Then fellow practitioners encouraged me to just do it. When I finally dared to overcome this fear and decided to knock on the doors, it actually went very well. It was just that bad notion that was creating false impressions to stop me and the old forces then took advantage of this. The MEPs or their assistants were actually really kind and some were very supportive and even wanted to sign the supportive document immediately. That day I tried not to think of myself, and I will keep doing it like this because I really want, from the bottom of my heart, to think of others first.
While doing these things, I keep in mind “All these millions of Chinese people are waiting for our help and longing to see the truth, emitted by NTDTV.” NTDTV is very important for saving more people in China. I saw that going to the European Parliament and attending the activities in front of Eutelsat and other related activities is the responsibility of a Dafa practitioner. This responsibility that we, Dafa disciples, are shouldering is so, so important; there is nothing that is as important as what we are doing! I cannot even imagine the importance, because the greatness is beyond my understanding.
Master says, "Right now every minute and every second is crucial. If you miss out during this period of time, you miss out on everything. History won't recur. The history of the cosmos and the Three Realms have gone through so many, long, long years--what have all the beings been waiting for? What are they all here for? For exactly these few years! Yet there are [Dafa] students who are squandering their lives during these few years, not seizing the time. And yet you are shouldering such huge responsibilities for all beings and for history!" ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference")
Now I realise that Master is arranging many situations to expose my attachments. I feel that it’s very important to look inward, all the time and in all circumstances. I discovered many attachments by looking inward. Sometimes I discover attachments which are so deeply rooted that I didn’t even know that I had them but I am now able to see them clearly and they arent as hidden as before. There are no words to describe my gratitude towards Master. I will follow firmly Master’s arrangement for my cultivation.
Thank you Master and fellow practitioners.