First Hand Experience of Cruel Brainwashing at the Beijing Women's Forced Labour Camp (Part 6)

Part 1: http://www.clearharmony.net/articles/200702/38017.html
Part 2: http://www.clearharmony.net/articles/200702/38022.html
Part 3: http://www.clearharmony.net/articles/200702/38038.html
Part 4: http://www.clearharmony.net/articles/200702/38072.html
Part 5: http://www.clearharmony.net/articles/200702/38090.html

10. The concentration camp is run like the military

Run like the military services, Beijing Women's Forced Labour Camp applies intensive control, which results in a very nervous lifestyle, as well as a tense and even suffocating atmosphere. There is a very short time limit to almost everything, from getting up in the morning, the morning wash, eating, doing laundry, showering, and using the toilet. Being tardy will cause you a lot of inconvenience. You may even be reproached or punished for being late. One is constantly rushed doing the slave labour despite at least 14 hours of labour per day.

During my first month in the camp, I could at least go out of the building for military drills although I was always flanked by two guards. Most of the time, I was placed at the end of the formation. Hence, I had a full view of everyone in the formation. I was surprised to find a lot of doddering old women with grey hair in the formation. They must have been at least 60 or 70 years old. How could they possibly be interested in political activities? Likely they could not even answer you if you asked them what politics meant.

I have heard that the Chinese government allocates the forced labour camp a budget of 150 yuan¹ per month for each inmate, but I know from my experience that the actual monthly food expenses for any Falun Gong practitioner is always far less than 150 yuan. In addition, the wages for practitioners' slave labour go entirely into the pocket of the camp's personnel. The food in the camp could not be worse. The most despicable part is that the camp conceals the truth with a facade. There is a blackboard with a fabricated food menu in the canteen open for inspectors or visitors. Everyone calls it a "virtual menu" because the food on the menu doesn't really exist. For each arranged tour to the camp, the menu included a lot of fried dishes. At first, the drug addict inmates in the camp were very excited about the menu and could not stop talking about it among themselves, but no dish on the menu ever appeared. After a few disappointing experiences, everyone realised it was just a facade for the reporters and inspection groups. If the inspection groups were allowed to drop in at any time, they would see that practitioners are actually served the most pitiful food imaginable.

There are about 130 people in each team in the camp, 90 per cent of whom are practitioners. There must be at least 1,000 practitioners in the camp, but they are never given the task of cooking. Only drug addicts, prostitutes, pimps, pornography vendors, and thieves can work in the kitchen. [Chinese buns are supposed to be fluffy and slightly sweet], but practitioners are constantly served with sticky buns, sour buns, salty buns, or rock-hard buns. Boiled vegetables taste like swill and constantly contain worms, bugs, flies, weed stems, and a residue of dirt on the bottom. Later the menu improved slightly and streaky pork or boiled pork skin was added to the menu twice a week but in meagre rations. In fact, many practitioners often don't get any pork at all. Occasionally fried eggs were added to the menu but meagerly rationed as well.

There was a food poisoning in the spring of 2001. Those who tasted the meat knew it was spoiled, but the camp insisted it was kidney beans that were spoiled. Fortunately, not many people got to taste the pork, so only a small number of people had to be rushed to the hospital. This is because pork is usually offered only to those practitioners that have renounced Falun Gong.

As for those practitioners who refuse to renounce Falun Gong, what they are given can hardly be called food. Most of the time we were given one ear of corn or a cheap cereal bun with only a few leaves of preserved vegetables for each meal, sometimes even without any vegetable leaves. Practitioners are given such meagre food rations until they renounce Falun Gong. A simple calculation will show that such poor fare costs hardly anything.

What about the budget for medical expenses for practitioners? Where does the money go? Those with a headache or a fever might be given a pill, but those seriously ill are never given medical treatment. A lot of prison inmates suffer from hepatitis, but they never get any medical treatment. They have no choice but to endure the pain. The camp forbids their families from sending in medicine. They don't allow bail for medical treatment either.

After 42 days of isolation, I was sent back to the Third Team, but the control and monitoring for me was escalated. They carefully selected a group of people to monitor me at all times. All of my activities were under tight security control. Before I stepped out of the dormitory, went to the toilet, or went to do the dishes, they would clear out the corridor, toilet or the kitchen first. They would shout down the corridor, "Close all doors! No one comes out!"

After all the doors were shut, a guard opened my room and that was when I was let out, accompanied by two inmates. The suddenly abandoned corridor was absolutely silent and still. It felt like a militarised zone in the state of emergency. This is how much the camp fears us "determined practitioners," which in Chinese (zhong dian ren) literally means "people to be focused on."

The camp staff forbade me from meeting other practitioners and forbade other practitioners from meeting me. The camp staff had a meeting with collaborators² and inmates. They said, "First, you must prevent determined practitioners from meeting each other. Second, you must prevent determined practitioners from meeting 'reformed' practitioners because they can communicate with their eyes." They decided that my sheer presence was a threat to their work because other practitioners would become determined and their conscience awakened.

The intensive training team applied even tighter control over determined practitioners. Instead of zhong dian ren, they referred to determined practitioners as "thorns." [In Chinese, "a thorn in the eye" means "the most hated person."] Each determined practitioner was watched by a group of inmates specially assigned to watch her around the clock. Each determined practitioner was given a different time schedule to get up, do the morning wash, and go to the toilet to prevent determined practitioners from running into each other. One day I ran into another determined practitioner in the corridor. In the intensive training team, this encounter was considered a "mishap" and the inmates involved were scolded and punished. The inmates watching us two determined practitioners started to quarrel right away in the corridor, blaming each other for this encounter. I did not know the other determined practitioner, but we were connected to each other's mind. We hurried to take this opportunity to talk to each other. We nodded at and encouraged each other. The cruel isolation caused the determined practitioners to suffer from extreme loneliness for long months.

Even when the determined practitioners were imprisoned in the same barracks for six to 12 months, they never got to meet each other or knew who else was imprisoned in the same barracks.

It was even worse if you were imprisoned in a small barracks. The small barracks in this camp was a row of about ten isolation rooms concealed from the outside. Each room was practically a cage about two meters wide. The bed was about half a metre in height. It was only half the width of a single bed and very short. Next to the short bed was a sink about two palms wide. Next to it was a squat toilet. In the winter, the room felt like a refrigerator. In the summer, it felt like a steamer. Heaven knows how many Falun Gong practitioners have been incarcerated and tortured in these cages. No one will ever see or hear any violence that goes on inside these cages.

After the "Rollover Incident" when a group of practitioners declared their words and deeds to be null and void, I knew I was not alone. Those practitioners with righteous thoughts and faith were concerned about me at all times and tried to send their caring in every possible way. They made every possible attempt to approach me. Any hint or eye contact gave me a feeling of warmth and caring for I knew the Falun Dafa teachings and Teacher resided in their hearts.

During the morning wash, I would occasionally discover a new pair of shorts or a bag of sweets in my wash basin in the toilet. Occasionally they would secretly put a few pieces of biscuits on my pillow.

Occasionally when I ran into fellow practitioners in the corridor, if the monitoring was not as tight as usual, they would quickly put a piece of bun in my pocket and, on rare occasions, a piece of paper with one of Teacher's new articles on it! These gestures of caring made me burst into tears. They brought ecstasy and immense encouragement to me while I was trapped in the devil's den. They were a great comfort to my soul! Through their kind gestures, I was convinced that they were still cultivating in Falun Gong. This is more important than anything else!

The Intensive Training Team often went into emergency mode to conduct "room searches." You never knew when you would suddenly hear a loud command from the corridor--"Fall out!" When you heard the command, you had to stop everything you were doing and go out in the corridor at once. They would gather everyone together and put everyone under watch. Next they would call the determined practitioners and put them in empty rooms or in isolation rooms in the small barracks. All the guards were fully armoured. They monitored the practitioners while waiting for action. About seven male and female guards quickly entered each room and started ransacking it. They looked for Teacher's articles, diaries, letters, and other forms of writing.

About seven male and female guards wearing gloves ransacked one room after another. They searched inside the quilts; in clothes, books, and miscellaneous items; under the washbasins under the bed; in socks and everywhere they thought suspicious or questionable. They left nothing unturned. After ransacking all the rooms, the guards searched every practitioner, including their shoes. Practitioners returned to their rooms only if they had passed the search.

Now the rooms looked like they had been robbed. Clothes, personal items, and quilts were scattered on the bed and all over the floor. There were dark shoe prints on the quilts and even undergarments. After each room search, I felt my dignity and rights as a human being had been stolen and scattered all over the place like those quilts and undergarments. Any practitioner that was found to possess any banned item would be punished by being sent for military drills or given a term extension.

The Third Team searched rooms more frequently and in more terrifying ways than the Intensive Training Team. Besides random searches, the Third Team often reorganised practitioners in the rooms. The purpose of switching roommates and the room search is the same--to prevent "rollover" or to prevent practitioners from deciding to declare their words and deeds to be null and void. [By constantly changing practitioners' roommates, we would not have enough time to get to know other practitioners well.] Another purpose was to raise the ambient level of fear and tension. The entire staff of guards in full Armour monitored everyone in the corridor and stood by for action while Ms. Jiao announced the reorganisation of each room. She would read out loud the carefully designed plan with everyone's newly assigned room and her leader. As she announced each person's newly assigned room, everyone retrieved her luggage and reported to her new room. This was intended to break and dissolve all the existing groups and it was done about every two weeks.

Once in the forced labour camp, Falun Gong practitioner groups began to disintegrate. Some were truly "reformed³." Some pretended to be "reformed." Some became traitors. Others remained determined in practising Falun Gong. Everyone chose her own path. Outside the forced labour camp, it was difficult to tell a genuine practitioner from a phony one. At first, practitioners with righteous thoughts were often punished for no valid reason after they had said only a few words. It wasn't until later that they realised it was the collaborators sleeping next to them that had reported them to the guards. In this environment, everyone had to protect herself. Finally, when the practitioners were able to tell genuine practitioners from phony ones, the collaborators would report the progress to the guards. With one simple order from Jiao to reorganise all the rooms, the bonds between genuine practitioners were broken again.

Other than the frequent reorganisations, they often switched roommates on a smaller scale to prevent practitioners from forming any bonds. Many practitioners knew each other before they came in, so they were able to communicate with each other in just a few words or with their eyes. However, the collaborators noticed everything. One report from a collaborator would cause Jiao to move them into two separate rooms. One particular practitioner was ordered to move to a different room several times a month. They would do anything to prevent practitioners from exchanging their understandings, sharing cultivation experiences ,or awakening to their conscience.

11. When I am steadfast, no one can alter my faith

During those days of incarceration, I had a lot of time to contemplate certain questions. For example, "reforming" or making a Falun Gong practitioner to renounce her faith is, in itself, very destructive to a practitioner's spirituality. They try to wipe out or eliminate a thought or a spiritual belief from your head by force. They try to force your spiritual belief out of your head and replace it with thoughts and notions by force. How are these people any different from bandits? When a human being loses the right to think freely and the freedom of spiritual belief, she or he has lost everything.

The so-called "education," "saving you from being lost," "reform by personal examples of moral upbringing" in the forced labour camp are hoaxes and deceits. The truth is that the forced labour camp is about cruelty and torture, which each and every practitioner in the camp has personally experienced and suffered from and witnessed.

The Chinese government allocated a large budget to the forced labour camps so that they could build new facilities to imprison more practitioners. They bought high-tech video and audio surveillance equipment. Even the large courtyard was monitored by video surveillance cameras. The cameras were set up at the corners of the buildings. Together, these surveillance cameras have a full view of the entire courtyard.

The bonus for "reforming" a practitioner is about 1,000 yuan. The increasing number of practitioners in the camp becomes a large source of income for the staff of the camp. The function of the forced labour camp has changed. About 80 to 90 per cent of the people imprisoned in the forced labour camps are law-abiding citizens that follow the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance. The criminals in China's forced labour camps are being replaced with these law-abiding citizens. This is the biggest disgrace to China's justice system.

The forced labour camp refers those determined practitioners who refuse the forced brainwashing and refuse to be "reformed" as zhong dian ren or "people to focus on." Bao jia, which literally means "siege," "flank" or "sandwich," refers to those inmates that besiege practitioners at all times, using violence as necessary to do their job. Bao jia was specially created to monitor the determined practitioners. The meaning of the term bao jia is self-explanatory in terms of its function and the violence that comes with it.

The first battle a practitioner faced upon entering the camp was the "Battle of the Wheel," which means brainwashing a practitioner by turns in order to wear her down. Only the most depraved and "reformed" collaborators would be sent to brainwash practitioners in the "Battle of the Wheel." The camp usually employed two groups of collaborators. One group was known as "Spring Breeze and Drizzle," which uses different types of distorted theories to deceive practitioners and lure them off the righteous path. The other group was known as the "Strict Control Group," which repeatedly tried to instill all the lies and slanders about Falun Gong in your head. They also tried to intimidate and threaten practitioners with the Chinese government's orders and laws while closely monitoring and controlling your actions. They also physically abused practitioners under the guards' orders. The "Strict Control Group" actually lived with me in the same room. The two groups shared the same purpose although they used different approaches. They are equally sinister in nature.

The "Battle of the Wheel" usually went on for days and nights. The practitioners to be "reformed" were made to sit still from dawn until dawn the next day. Those practitioners who still refused to be "reformed" were made to sit still until dawn on the third day. If you still were not "reformed," then you would be made to sit until you were. Or they would make you stand still for days or keep you imprisoned until you were "reformed."

Facing these depraved individuals that were exhausting every means to break my will, I had to be clearheaded and I had to have an iron will to survive each day and prevail over all kinds of evil deeds each day. I knew I must be vigilant at all times and build a strong bastion of righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements. When they threw an idea at me, I had to eradicate that idea and I had to completely eradicate it. If I was slightly muddle-headed in any way or doubted in the smallest way, a group of demons would jump at me and tell me, "It's true! It's true! It's true!" In this devil's den a lie, even without being repeated, is truth if you don't fight it. They tried to destroy me and it was suffocating. There is only one way I could describe what it was like: I felt as though I were a lamb thrown to a group of hungry tigers. I had nothing but my righteous faith and righteous thoughts to rely on. Without righteous faith and righteous thoughts, a practitioner would surely be devoured by the tigers. There was no gun in this deadly battle, but the battles of souls was much more intense and horrifying. At first, my entire body and soul were fighting at all times in this battle between the righteous and the evil. It was only when they cursed me and used violence on me that my brain could finally relax and take a break.

After a few months, I felt I could endure all kinds of torture and did not hold grudges against anyone, but my blood boiled with rage as soon as I heard anyone slander Teacher and Dafa. It would take me a long time to calm down each time. I knew if I refused to be "reformed," I would face more brutal abuses. Yet I didn't want to let go of any opportunity to help them realise their bad deeds.

In fact, each day became increasingly difficult for me. I was deprived of not only my right to move about in the camp, but also the freedom to think and my dignity as a human being. During the forced brainwashing, they tired to instill their their slander and lies about Falun Gong. They also forced me to read two books of hate propaganda against Falun Gong and books written by members of the Chinese Communist Party. I was not allowed to read anything else. In addition, they forced me to write my thoughts about these readings every day. If I refused to submit one each day, I would be deprived of the precious two to three hours of sleep that night. I was not even allowed to read newspapers. I was not allowed to write in a diary or anything else except to write my thought about those books. I was deprived of the monthly visiting time with my family, writing letters to my family, calling my family, or grocery shopping in the camp's shop.

They confiscated letters and packages from my family, forbade me from attending the drills, and even forbade me from doing my laundry, showering, washing my face, or brushing my teeth. I wasn't even allowed to use the toilet, or they would purposely delay my trips to the toilet. They told me I would not enjoy these basic rights unless I "reformed." For each meal, I was given one small corn bun or a cheap cereal bun and a few leaves of preserved vegetables because they thought meagre food rations would help them "reform" determined practitioners.

In any event, I was treated to the worst abuses in every way. I was isolated from the rest of the imprisoned practitioners. Every day I was locked in a small room. I lost all environmental and personal freedom, including my thoughts and actions. Except a few assigned collaborators and female drug addict inmates working as bao jia, I never got to see anyone in the camp. The guards put me under tight surveillance and in isolation.

I felt utterly distressed and in agony when the guards gloated over their victory in front of me. "All the Falun Gong practitioners came in with you have been 'reformed.' You are the only one left." I could actually feel my heart aching. For a long time I was suppressed by disappointment and sadness. I felt terribly alone and depressed. New groups of practitioners kept arriving, and one by one they were "reformed."

Soon the guards and collaborator shouted at me together, "You are the only one who is not 'reformed' in the team. We will see how long you will last!" I felt agony as well as rage. I thought, "What right do they have to control another person's mind?! What right do you have to replace my thoughts with yours? This is the logic of thugs! How can we allow it in this world?"

I knew the situation I was facing. I alone faced an evil, colossal government organisation, but I also knew what it meant to be "reformed." To me it meant death or worse than death. Even if I didn't die because of "reform," I would become mad because my soul would have died. Since the day I learned Dafa, I knew it was the way to return home that I had been searching for for a long time. Dafa is my soul, my life, and my destiny. Despite the Chinese Communist Party's persecution and the temptations in the human world, I have never wavered, feared that I might have missed something else, or doubted Dafa in any way. This is the reason why even death threats cannot make me "reform" or give up my Falun Gong cultivation practice. No matter what awaits me ahead, I shall not regret my choice.

I knew it was useless to say anything to those completely lost inmates and collaborators in an environment where the evil elements were rampant. In this adverse environment, I had to be prepared to endure all kinds of long-term demonic tribulations. The camp had warned me a long time ago that I would be transferred to prison if I was not "reformed" by the end of my term in the camp. I had never thought of being released at the cost of compromising my faith.

On the other hand, I knew clearly that I had to protect myself. I had to have great compassion and great forbearance. I could not hold a grudge against anyone. I could not complain about or hate anyone. If I had not been able to attain all of these, I would not have been able to last. I would have collapsed physically or I would have been driven to madness, because an ordinary human being would not be able to endure humiliation, abuse, and torture at this level. Second, I had to restrain and eliminate any hatred against my torturers. If I could not persuade them, I would keep silent and give them no chance to attack my mind.
Third, I had to be prepared for the worst to come.

Tears welled up my eyes because I was overcome with sadness and glory thinking of these words.
I remember the time when I was arrested on January 3rd, 2001, and thrown into a forced brainwashing session held in a forced labour camp, but organised by the union of government organisations. I knew what it means to be "reformed." I fought for my life to resist the evil brainwashing. I went on a hunger strike to protest. I refused the administration of IV fluids and pulled out the needle. I stuffed cotton balls in my ears to keep from hearing the brainwashing. In the end, the constant rubbing caused my ears to bleed and the cotton clung to my ear canals. I refused to talk, listen, watch, or read anything. I even kept my eyes closed. I was impervious to round after round of pushing, kicking, pinching, beating, jeering ,and sneering.

Although I prevailed over the brainwashing and was released unconditionally, it was only 15 days of torture. Now I faced what seemed like eternity, not 15 days. I did not have any weapon. Like I said, I felt like a lamb being thrown in with hungry tigers. After the first five months the battle between the righteous and the evil, where my only weapon of defence was Dafa.

During the isolation, I was once sent to another team for brainwashing because there was a collaborator known for her ability to "reform" practitioners. They also obtained infamously eloquent collaborators loaned from other teams in attempts to "reform" me. They even repeatedly asked Li Dan, Jiang Jianrong, and Gao Jianxin, infamous collaborators, to the camp to "reform" me. Whoever they were, they failed to "reform" me. They tried sweet talking, acting ferocious, or abusing me physically and mentally for long months, but I always told them peacefully and slowly, "No one can alter my faith!"

12. Group coercion

Although December 31st, 2001, was the New Year's Eve, it was no different from any other day in the camp. There was no air of joy in the camp. They decided that I had no right to enjoy any holiday, so I was not allowed to attend any activity in the camp. After each room sang songs, they went to sleep on time as usual.

As usual, I was made to stay up writing my thoughts and waiting for the short amount of sleep at dawn. Around 11:00 p.m., shortly after everyone fell asleep, I heard a loud command, "Fall out!" The guards pounded on every door, hurrying everyone to gather in the corridor.

Everyone was panicking as they hurried out of bed and put clothes on at the same time. Everyone looked at each other in confusion.

Jiao stood in front of the formation and shouted, "Zhang Yijie! Step out!" After I stepped out, Jiao said, "Face everyone."

For some unknown reason, I felt uneasy this time. While I faced about 130 people, I was confused and a bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. I thought, "This must be an ambush. Who knows what they are playing at this time."

Looking at over 130 people before me, I was suddenly seized by a feeling of loneliness. For a very long time, I had felt I was fighting a battle alone. Now this feeling suddenly crept into my mind. But I quickly calmed myself and prepared to counter their new attack.

Jiao declared, "It has been a long time, but Zhang Yijie has not made any progress. From the captain to the practitioners, everyone has exhausted all their wits for her sake, but she is still holding onto the wrong belief obstinately. Today all of us must help her by spending time with her."

When I heard "spending time with her," I knew immediately that Jiao was repeating her old tricks. But this time they were well prepared. I saw several people moving forward and a few other people came to stand beside me. I looked at them and immediately identified who they were. All of them had been "reformed" and become collaborators, assisting the guards in brainwashing practitioners.

Jiao asked me, "Zhang Yijie, tell us what we should do."

I did not respond. Since I had arrived, I had witnessed the collaborators' evil brainwashing. I have also met those "reformed" practitioners who "advised" me that I didn't have to "suffer for short-term loss." Some practitioners turned into different people against their conscience because they gave in to to the long-term torture. Some, after being "reformed," became convinced that it was correct to brainwash others; they even claimed that they were "genuine cultivators" and kept saying "Teacher." There was also a group that had joined the evil side wholeheartedly; they completely denied "Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance," slandered Teacher and Dafa, and assisted in torturing and abusing practitioners and in other wicked crimes.

I looked at them and said, "Violence and coercion cannot change people's hearts. Ultimately everyone will face the consequences of each and every action she takes. You reap what you sow. This is a law that will always prevail, no matter whether you believe it or not." After I finished, the room became absolutely still.
I had a premonition of danger that night. It appeared that these collaborators had come prepared and with ambitions. Looking at the people in the corridor, I felt something I couldn't quite describe. Even those practitioners with some righteous thoughts dared not step out to speak up for me. If they had dared to, they would not have been "reformed."

Next a collaborator started to question me. I thought quickly, "How I should counter this attack?" I decided not to talk to them or answer any question. I would not give them opportunities to say those evil words. I was silent as I watched and listened to their performances, but I did not give them any chance for exploitation.

After these people made their speeches, the atmosphere turned cold. The corridor was silent again. Next, another round of attack began. No matter what they asked or how they tried to spite me, I looked straight ahead and said nothing. I had become impervious to criticism and condemnation. Jiao knew I was impervious, so she changed her approach. She said in a tone that implied she knew everything I was thinking, "You have let go of everything in your cultivation, including your membership in the Chinese Communist Party, your job, and even your salary. You think it's unfair, so you take it out by fighting with them (the collaborators). I know you are an excellent intellectual. It is precisely because you are outstanding that you are so stubborn. I knew you wanted to be 'reformed' in the beginning, except the reality pushed you into a corner. Don't be stubborn. Actually, you won't lose anything if you are 'reformed.'"
I thought, "So that's their perception of me. But how can you possibly understand a cultivator?!" With the same nonchalant facial expression, I continued to look into their eyes. The collaborators standing next to me started to talk. They imitated Jiao's approach, acting as though we were bosom buddies and they knew what went on in my mind. At times, the performers moved; they even held my hands or shook my arms. I remained impervious and looked ahead in silence. I was completely impervious.

The crowd began to stir. It was about midnight. The New Year chimes were about to begin.

Someone asked to use the toilet. People began to slouch or changed standing positions. The elderly were tired from standing and were leaning against the wall. Drug addict and other inmates began to mumble or talk to each other. Nobody wanted to stay up with me. Usually the guards would have shouted "Attention" by now, but tonight they turned a blind eye to the crowd's restlessness. I remained silent.

Then someone from the formation spoke out: "Zhang Yijie, you cultivate kindness. Do you have the heart to make over 100 people stay up with you? Just how long do you plan to have us stand here with you? It's been a long time and you still have not been 'reformed.' How many people's time have you wasted? Do you build your kindness upon other people's pain?"

I remained silent. Time tick-tocked. The corridor became silent again. Yet I felt the silence was filled with more and more evil elements. There was enough tension in the corridor to make the air explode. I was calm and peaceful, standing tall with my chin up. I tried to resist the increasingly suffocating field.
Suddenly, someone shouted from the crowd, "Zhang Yijie, where is your kindness? You are wicked. How can you watch so many people stay up with you?" The collaborators closed in around me again. "Zhang Yijie, renounce Falun Gong in writing. For the sake of us and our children and husbands. They are real. Everything else is illusion."

Suddenly, there was a commotion in the front of the formation because an elderly woman had collapsed, but people behind her caught her. Her last name was Wang. She was a skinny and frail woman in her 60s. It was alleged that her son was also a Falun Gong practitioner and was recently sent to Tuanhe Forced Labour Camp. The old woman wore a sad and painful expression on her face. She had to rely on another person to stand up. After a while, she could not stand it any longer. She began to weep, so they let her sit on the ground. She watched me with a miserable expression, weeping and begging me, "Why don't you just agree to be 'reformed'?" She kept weeping in misery.

The guards did not bring her a chair, so she sat on the cold concrete floor. Her weeping became a weapon for them to exploit my kindness.

Now I felt very uncomfortable. There was a noise ringing in my head. Next I heard someone talking behind me, "Whatever you write will do. Whatever you write will do. Even just one line will do. As long as you write one line, we can all go back to bed."

I started to feel uneasy. I felt extremely tired although I tried my best to keep myself from collapsing. I had just come out of 42 days of isolation. This was the eighth day, but I had faced group coercion twice. I had to will myself to keep from collapsing spirituality and physically. I felt increasingly uncomfortable.
Suddenly the crowed shrieked, because Zhang Cuifen, an obese woman committed for selling fake bills, collapsed. People tried to catch her, but she was too heavy. She fell to the ground and passed out. Someone said that Zhang suffered from hypertension. A group of people carried her back to her room.

There was a commotion in the crowd.

I was shocked by the scene. I felt guilty and uneasy.

The guards and collaborators read my response. They pulled me to a small desk on the far side of the corridor and stuffed a pen into my hand. "Just write. Write and everyone will be able to go back to sleep." A guard said, "Even just one line will do." I looked at the large group of people on the other side of the corridor. The frail old woman was still sitting on the floor, weeping. Two people were squatting next to her. People were calling Zhang Cuifen's name in the room, trying to wake her. People came in and out of her room, busily fetching medicine. In the crowd, people were talking.

They were really giving me a headache. I heard a voice next to my ear, "Let them go back to sleep. Write one line. Write one line. Write one line." The guards and collaborators hurried me. "Hurry. Hurry. Just one line will do! Hurry! Everyone is waiting for you!" I looked at the crowd in the corridor and wrote one line: "Severing ties with Falun Gong's organisation." Then I dropped the pen. The traitors and guards grabbed the paper quickly for fear that I might erase those words. Then two people pulled me back to my room.

Yet I was still paying attention to the corridor. I heard all the practitioners returning to their rooms. After a round of noises from their footsteps, silence reclaimed the corridor.

Everyone went back to their rooms and went to sleep. I let out a sigh of relief. But I also felt that I, that clearheaded version of me, had returned. I felt something was wrong. Those words I had just written were stabbing into my heart right. I felt restless. Next a voice told me, "Do you really think it is okay to write these words because Falun Gong has no organisation? Is it true kindness to satisfy your human thoughts in the name of Falun Gong?"

I knew I had make a great mistake. The agony of alienating myself from Dafa enveloped me immediately. I quickly found a pen and a piece of a paper and wrote, "I solemnly declare that the words I have just written--'Severing ties with Falun Gong's organization'--to be null and void. Falun Gong has never had any organisation; hence, I cannot sever myself from it."

I opened the door and asked a guard named Zhang to pass the paper to Jiao right away. She took the paper and left. I closed the door, but I still felt that my inner peace had been disturbed.

After a moment, several people stormed into the room led by a drug addict named Zhang Su. She grabbed my hair and started to punch and kick at me. During the violence, she scolded, "You only wrote a few words and now you are regretting them. You think we are three-year-old children? We stayed up for you, but you played a game with us."

She pulled my hair and shook my head while kicking me and shouting. "You are determined! I will see if you can remain determined!" I told myself repeatedly in my heart, "Good! You are right to beat me! I deserve it! I deserve it!" After they vented their anger, they left me though still cursing me.

After a while, Jiao pushed the door open and said with hatred, "Zhang Yijie, I knew you were playing with me. You practitioners have never admitted that Falun Gong is an organisation. You played with words to trick me. Do you think I will believe you?"

I said, "Good. Good. It is good that you do not believe I severed ties with Falun Gong. You are perfectly right to think so!"

"Nothing good will come out of it if you insist on practising Falun Gong. I tell you." She stormed off in anger.

I picked up handfuls of hair from the ground. I felt as though I had fought a deadly battle, but my heart could not return to peace for a long time. I could not help feeling guilty and remorseful for taking a wrong step. I had committed a sin for damaging and disrespecting Dafa! Any human thought might throw me off the cliff and destroy my cultivation practice in a flash. My heart was in shock and agony. Cultivation practice is not child's play. This is a lesson that will be branded in my memory.

Later I learned that Jiao excitedly waved the paper in the air and announced that everyone could get up later the next morning because there would be no morning drill to celebrate this accomplishment. But the next morning, the morning drill bell rang as usual. The guards knocked on each door and shouted, "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Didn't you say we could get up late this morning?" everyone grunted.
"Zhang Yijie 'rolled over!' Wake up! Zhang Yijie 'rolled over!' Get up! Wake up!"

After a long time, I finally learned that the old woman and Zhang Cuifen were given rewards. Both of them were acting. It was but a performance to make me renounce Falun Gong.

(To be continued...)

Note

1. "Yuan" is the Chinese currency; 500 yuan is equal to the average monthly income of an urban worker in China.

2. "Collaborators": Former practitioners who have turned against Falun Gong under brainwashing and torture. They are then made to assist in brainwashing and torturing practitioners.

3. "Reform or Transform" Implementation of brainwashing and torture in order to force a practitioner to renounce Falun Gong. (Variations: "reform", "transform", "reformed", "reforming", "transformed", "transforming", and "transformation")

Chinese version available at http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/11/18/142461.html